Page 115 of Body Shot

“He was very clear that he doesn’t want kids yet.”

“Neither do you, but it happened.”

“I wasn’t careful, so why should it ruin his life?”

She makes a face. “There is so much to unpack with that statement, but I’ll let it go for now. My question is, why didn’t you just talk to him? That’s what couples do.”

“Because I don’t want to be in a situation where I don’t know if he’s with me for me or only because I got pregnant!” I burst out crying, and she immediately puts her arms around me, hugging me tightly.

“Shh. It’s okay. Don’t cry. We’re going to figure this out. You’re not alone.”

My stomach heaves and I rush to the bathroom, emptying my stomach again just as I reach the toilet. Hana’s right behind me, wetting the washcloth again and pressing it to the back of my neck.

“Do your parents know?”

“No one knows except my doctor.”

“Okay, we’re going to talk about this. We have a long weekend ahead of us, so we’ll have time to sort things out and come up with a plan.”

“Promise me you won’t tell him,” I say. “Please, Hana. You’re my best friend—and I need you to be on my side. I don’t have anyone else to trust with this, but I wasn’t lying when I told you I need to figure out my life on my terms.”

“I promise,” she says quietly. “You have to tell him eventually, but for now, it stays between us.”

“Thank you.”

“That’s what besties are for.”

“Ugh. I feel like shit. This is the worst it’s been.” I get to my feet and lean over to rinse my mouth again.

“Claudia.” Hana’s voice sounds funny.

“What?” I catch her eye in the mirror, and she looks worried.

“You’re bleeding.”

“What?” I look down in alarm and that’s when I feel the wetness between my legs.

“A lot,” she says, grabbing a towel.

“Oh, no.” My heart starts to pound. “Oh, my God…I’m having a miscarriage!”

“We need to call 911.”

“No.” I shake my head. “If I’m losing the baby, an ambulance isn’t going to stop it. Go get my mom. Please. Hurry!”

She nods and turns, and I can hear her running down the stairs.

Please, no, I think to myself. Not like this.

Please.

I don’t even know what I’m begging for.

I didn’t want to be pregnant, but I don’t want to lose the baby either.

And once again, as I hug my arms to my chest, the only thing I want is Anders.

He would know what to do. What to say. How to get me through this.

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