Page 101 of Body Shot

ANDERS: I will. Xoxo

He’s started signing off our texts with X’s and O’s and it always makes me want to sigh and giggle.

I’m so crazy for this guy.

THIRTY-SEVEN

Claudia

It’s a busy week,and this stomach bug is making me crazy. I wake up feeling like hell, and it eases as it gets later in the day, but then it’s back full force in the morning. On top of that, my period is late, and I’m starting to get a bad feeling. Although Anders and I religiously used condoms, I started to enjoy putting them on, and I have long, sharp fingernails. I never tore one that I noticed, but anything could have happened considering how frantic we were for each other some of the time.

I stop at the drug store on the way to work and buy a test.

It’s been a week since the symptoms started and I’m fucking terrified.

Pregnancy—a baby—is in no way part of my plans.

In fact, it’s the opposite of what I want right now.

I’m busy with work, falling in love, and about to start a huge project with a client that turned out to be a Fortune 500 company. Working with them will require full-time focus and commitment, not to mention travel and long hours.

I don’t have time to be pregnant.

I also know Anders won’t be happy about it.

Fuck-fuck-fuck.

I’m trying not to panic, but I can’t seem to help it.

I barely say hello to anyone when I get to the office, and immediately head to the restroom.

A cold sweat breaks out on my forehead, and I take a few deep breaths.

We were always careful.

I’ve been planning to see my gynecologist to get on some kind of birth control, but I couldn’t get an appointment until December.

Now I regret accepting a date so far in the future.

I open the little plastic test and stare at it accusingly.

“You willnotbe positive,” I whisper. “Do you understand?”

Yeah, because this inanimate object is listening to me.

“Please-please-please,” I whisper as I do my business.

Peeing on a stick was not on this week’s bingo card. Hell, it’s not even on thisyear’sbingo card.

Negative.

It has to be negative.

And the more times I put that out into the universe, the more I start to believe it.

I’ve been under a lot of stress and working crazy hours.

I miss my boyfriend and spend a lot of time talking to him at night instead of sleeping.

---