Page 19 of Body Shot

And just like that, I’m going to say yes.

I’m going to go out with him.

However, I need to be honest with him.

He opened up to me, so it’s only fair that I warn him.

“I’d like to spend time with you,” I say quietly. “But there’s something you should know.”

“Tell me.” Even in the darkness, I can see the genuine concern in his eyes, like he really cares about what I’m about to tell him.

“I don’t…” Ugh. This is harder than I thought it would be.

“You don’t…?”

“I’m not very sexual.” That’s probably an oversimplification, but without getting into a long, detailed story, I don’t know how else to say it.

“I’m not sure what that means.” He looks more curious than upset or disappointed.

“It’s hard to explain. And it’s a long story.”

“We have time.”

“I’ve only ever had one boyfriend, and our only sexual encounter was… well, the kindest word I can think of is horrible.”

“Wait… you’ve only had sex one time?” He sounds like he can’t quite believe it, and I stiffen.

“Like I said, I’m not very sexual, so if that’s a deal breaker for you, I understand.” I start to get up, but he tightens his arm around my waist, tugging me back down.

“No. That’s not what I meant. Please don’t leave.” He takes his hand and gently lifts my chin with two fingers. “Talk to me. Tell me what happened. So I can understand. I don’t know how your old boyfriend handled things, but adults handle them with communication.”

“It’s embarrassing,” I admit. “And we barely know each other.”

“Again, this is how we get to know each other.”

“And if we decide we don’t want to date, or that you’re not interested in putting up with my quirks, then you’ll know something really embarrassing about me.”

“And what? You think I’ll immediately go tell the guys on the team this story about the night a woman I only went out with once lost her virginity? A woman who happens to be like a little sister to one of my teammates? That’s not who I am, Claudia. Truly. No matter what happens, I would never disrespect any woman that way.”

I pull my lower lip through my teeth.

Am I ready to talk about that disaster of a night?

To admit how inadequate I was to my only boyfriend?

The only person who knows that story is Hana, and while she’s sympathetic, she also thinks I should get over it. It’s been five years, after all. She’s not wrong. But she didn’t live it either.

“Can we walk?” I ask finally. “I’m not comfortable talking about it here, with so many people around.”

“Of course.” He’s instantly on his feet, holding out a hand to help me up.

But once I’m up he doesn’t let go, and he laces his fingers through mine as we walk toward the shore.

Ironically, I like it.

How long has it been since I’ve held hands with a guy?

Five years.

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