Page 107 of Body Shot

In my head, I’ve got all the answers.

It’s just putting them into practice that’s hard.

Anders has called and texted me four times today, and I still haven’t responded because I don’t know what to say.

Hi. I’m pregnant. I know you’re going to be mad so let’s just end things before it turns ugly.

Hi. Look, I’m busy. I think we need to slow down. I don’t have time for a relationship.

Hey, I think I need to date other people. I can’t just marry my first real boyfriend.

Ugh.

All of those sound awful.

He deserves better.

Better than an inexperienced girlfriend whose long nails nicked a condom and ruined both of our lives.

Better than someone who’s not strong enough to do the right thing.

But I am.

I will be.

I’m at the office, but I pull out my phone and start typing before I chicken out.

CLAUDIA: Hey. I’m sorry I’ve been MIA. Things are crazy at work, and it doesn’t look like they’re going to slow down any time soon. I think maybe we overestimated how well we could manage a long-distance relationship. I’m struggling with it. And I’m sure it’s been hard for you too.

Of course, he sees the message and responds by calling me.

Fuck.

This isn’t the right time or place, but I have to do this.

For him.

I take a deep breath and answer the phone, walking into the stairwell for some privacy.

“Hey.”

“What’s wrong, sweetheart?”

“Like I said, work is just…a lot. And I’m not…happy… being in a relationship that’s constantly pulling me in the opposite direction I want to go.”

“What does that mean?” He sounds hurt and confused, and I hate myself for it.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “I just don’t think… I’m not… I’ve got too much on my plate and this thing with us is a distraction.”

Fuck, that sounds terrible.

“A distraction.” He soundsreallyhurt now.

“Yes. I know. I suck. It’s just that I worked so hard to get this job, and if the company goes public, there could be millions of dollars on the line. I can’t fuck this up.”

“So this is about money?”

“And time. And distance. We have so much going against us, Anders. You know? It’s burned so hot, so fast…” What does that even mean?

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