Page 122 of Play Book

“Not all of us, no. And Saylor is retiring from modeling.”

Right about now, actually.

And I’m not there to celebrate with her.

“I don’t like her.”

“Why? You’ve never given me a reason.”

“I just don’t. And I don’t want her to be my mom!”

“No one is ever going to be your mom. You only have one.”

“You’re going to marry her and make your own babies and then you’re going to forget about me. Just like everyone else. My dad didn’t want me. My grandparents don’t want me. And you won’t either.”

“That’s not true.”

“Then why isn’t my dad here? Huh? Where is he?”

“I don’t know, and I don’t care. He was a bad man who used to hit you and your mother. I told you that. And even if he did want to be in your life now, there isn’t a chance in hell I’d let him.”

Her face is shrouded, and I can see her battling emotions she’s probably not equipped to deal with.

“I’m going to call your therapist,” I say. “I think we need a session.”

She sighs.

“Ally, you have to talk to me. This isn’t going to work if you don’t.” I pause. “Would you rather I try to find… a family to adopt you? Where you could have a traditional mom and a dad? Instead of your cranky Uncle Canyon?”

One side of her mouth quirks up. “You’re not cranky. Much.”

“If you think you’d be happier with?—”

“No. I don’t want to be with strangers. I want to live here with you. I just…I’m just so tired of never knowing what’s going to happen. Babysitters, nannies, mean girls at school…I’m scared all the time. And I miss my mom but I’m mad at her too.” A fresh set of tears stream from her eyes as she starts to sob again. “She was my mom and she left me. Why doesn’t anyone ever put me first?!” She buries her face in a pillow, her entire body shaking from the ferocity of her tears.

Fuck.

I’m not equipped for this, but I have to be.

She’s overly emotional, but she’s entitled to her feelings.

So many feelings.

And she’s just a kid.

I have to keep reminding myself of that.

“I’ve already told you—I’m not going anywhere.” I pull her close, hugging her tightly.

There is so much therapy in our future, I know this, and my heart breaks for her.

Why doesn’t anyone ever put me first?

Her words cut deep, and I’m angry with Carly all over again.

What the hell had she been doing with Ally all these years? Was her addiction so bad that she couldn’t see what her selfishness was doing to her kid?

Intellectually, I know the answer, but emotionally I’m still furious.

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