Page 116 of Play Book

He’s strong and warm, and his steady heartbeat makes me feel safe.

Wanted.

Loved.

We haven’t used the word directly, beyond the conversation we had, but I feel it when we’re together. Especially when our bodies are linked like this. The intimacy is tangible, and I’m coming to terms with the fact that I’m in love with him. Deeply, completely in love.

It’s terrifying, but it feels right.

It feels like where I need to be, both in my life and in my heart.

“Canyon?”

“Hmm?”

“Are you happy?”

“What?” He lifts his head to look at me.

“Are you happy? With this…us. I mean, when we started you were clear you weren’t relationship material. Then things changed, and we talked about how intense our feelings got, but there’s been a lot going on. I guess I’m checking in, to make sure this is what you want. That I make you happy.”

“God, yes.” He drops his head to lightly kiss me. “I’m sorry if I’m not more romantic. I told you I’m not good at that stuff, but you make me happy. I wish I had more time to show you how I feel.”

“I don’t need presents or romantic walks on the beach—I can plan those for us.” I push a lock of his wavy dark hair out of his face. “But I need to know you’re good. That this is really what you want. Because I’m falling hard.”

He doesn’t respond, instead capturing my lips for a kiss that speaks of the kinds of promises he’s not ready to vocalize.

And that’s okay.

Because I feel what he’s telling me.

It’s always simmering just beneath the surface, and never more so than right now.

“I’m waiting for the right time,” he says when we finally pull apart.

“For what?”

“To say the words. That word.” He looks completely serious as he continues. “I need the first time I say it, as an adult, to the woman I’m with, to be special. Momentous. I don’t know why exactly, but it has to be right.”

“That’s fine.” I nod. “I understand. I can wait.”

“I’m trying to be the man you need me to be,” he says.

“You don’t have to do anything different. You are the man I need you to be. If you weren’t, I wouldn’t have let things get this far. I’m invested, Canyon. In you. In us. And that includes Ally.”

“I know she’s made things complicated for us, but I’m going to talk to her when I get back from this trip. Either alone or in therapy. I know she’s been through a lot, and I’ll be patient with her, but she has to at least try. She’s struggling with school and everything else, but something has to give.”

“How’s it going with Marjorie now that you’re gone?”

“Not well. She said she’s mean and made her eat kale.”

I bite my lip so I don’t laugh, but a giggle escapes anyway. “Kale is the devil’s lettuce. We need to tell Marjorie to let it go.”

“Yeah, I’m going to talk to her about that. The kid’s been through enough. She can’t eat pizza every night, but she doesn’t have to eat kale. There can be balance, like carrots and corn. We can work on greens gradually. I don’t think Carly cooked much.”

“It’s okay. We’ll figure it out.”

We’re quiet for a while, and I’m starting to feel sleepy, but we need to clean up.

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