Page 94 of Always Alchemy

Sitting with them is really all we can do.

So I do.

I sit here on this bloody freezing sun lounger and I let it all wash over me, all the contradictions and the injustice and the grief, and I let the tears come, too, big, fat, sad ones that plop down onto my bare knees as I hug them to my chest in an attempt to keep warm.

Until I hear footsteps. Dad, probably, or Mads, come to see if I’m okay.

But it’s not either of them.

It’s Pip.

I look up at him, probably looking totally pathetic with my goosebumps and my chattering teeth and tear-stained cheeks.

‘Oh my God,’ he says, coming straight over to me and stripping off his smart navy blazer as he does. ‘Stella.’ He crouches and puts it around my shoulders, the body-warmed silk of its lining instantly enveloping me like a hug. ‘Can I?’ he asks, pointing at the edge of the lounger, and I nod as I sniff my tears away.

Not only does he sit, but he puts an arm around me, hugging me against his body so I’m even warmer. I keep my arms crossed over my chest, because Iliterallyhave been freezing my tits off, and lean into his side. I should be embarrassed that he’s found me like this, but I’m not, somehow.

‘I’m so sorry about your Mum,’ he whispers.

I draw my knees down so I’m sitting like a normal person. ‘Thanks.’

‘It’s so tragic. I’m so glad you guys have had Maddy. I’ve always been grateful that Mum met Cal, but honestly, no one deserves to have found happiness more than you and your sister and your dad.’

‘She’s amazing.’

He hesitates. ‘If you want to talk about it, I’m here.’

‘Thanks, but there’s nothing to say. She shouldn’t have died, I miss her, end of story.’

‘That’s all fair.’ He rubs my arm gently. ‘Can I tempt you inside? It’s freezing out here.’

‘In a minute. It’s so nice and peaceful. You should go in, though,’ I add hurriedly.

‘Nah, I’m good staying for a bit if you are.’

He nudges even closer towards me and holds me tighter, and I let my head fall onto his shoulder. He’s a peaceful person to be around, that’s for sure. And it was sweet of him to come looking for me.

Another great big tear plops onto my bare thigh. Jesus. I need to pull myself together. But Pip reaches over with his spare hand, and I watch in a daze as he uses his thumb to wipe the tear off my thigh. It’s not only an intimate gesture, but a possessive one. I glance up in time to see him sucking the pad of his thumb into his mouth as our eyes meet.

Oh. My. God.

He doesn’t look shy now. He looks like a guy who knows exactly what he wants. His lips are closed around his thumb, and I can’t drag my eyes away as he slides it slowly out.

Our faces are so close.

He uses the same thumb to wipe away the rest of my tears from one cheek and then the other.

‘Far too beautiful for tears,’ he murmurs, and I go still.

‘Really?’

‘I’ve always thought it.’ He slides his hand around my neck. ‘For as long as I can remember, I’ve loved looking at you.’

I give him a tiny, pleased smile.

‘That’s better,’ he says, his gaze flitting back and forth from my mouth to my eyes. ‘But it seems I’m the sleazebagwho seeks out a crying girl and then tries to hit on her while she’s vulnerable.’ He pauses, like he’s hoping I’ll disagree.

‘You could’—I clear my throat—‘try harder. If you like.’

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