Page 53 of Unbind

So I do.

I drag my hands up his merino-clad arms and over his broad shoulders, and I entangle my fingers in his hair, and I slide my lips, my tongue, against his as I marvel at feeling him harden against my stomach in real time. I saw a lot more last night, of course, had a front-row seat to how angry, how hungry that monster dick could be, but this is different, somehow.

If last night felt like a battle where each of us wielded our need to undo the other like a weapon, then this is the most heated sort of truce, our dancing tongues the white flags, our roaming fingers the olive branches, our mutual surrender more evident with every ragged breath.

How long the kiss lasts I can’t say. It’s eternal and all too brief, the moment where Adam pulls carefully away from my mouth and settles his lips instead into my hair the most crushing dissolution. I collapse my face against his shirt, his sweater, my breath coming hard, my hands tracing the splendid planes of his back.

There are a thousand things I could say, thoughts I could voice, and they all seem as redundant as each other in the face ofthat.

‘Are you working this evening?’ he murmurs into my hair, his arms more a cocoon than a cage around me.

I mumble my assent.

‘If I swing by when you’re done,’ he asks haltingly, ‘would you come home with me tonight?’ He releases me and takes a step back so he can pin me with that clear, pale blue gaze. ‘I can’t—I want to move forward with you, but I’m conscious that there’s a lot to say first. There are some things I’d like to show you.’

31

ADAM

There are times for brushing things under the carpet, for locking the monsters in the closet and hoping they’ll stay there. And there are times when the only way forward is through, when the most fearsome confrontations can yield the greatest blessings.

I’d like to think I proved that to Natalie today on some small scale with that phone call. I demonstrated that nothing lies on the other side of fear except the possibility of reward.

And it’s time I took my own advice, because I’m conscious that these moments with her have been gifts. Glimpses into an astounding chemistry that could, I’m hopeful, be more, but not as we stand currently. I’m frankly blown away by the things she’s let me do to her so far, but if I want to get any further with her, I need to take that hand I’ve held close to my chest and lay every last card on the table.

If I’m to have even the briefest future with her, then I need to shine the brightest, most unflinching of lights on mypast. My only comfort is that she can’t possibly think any worse of me than she already does.

When I turn up at Alchemy, ten minutes before the end of her shift, it’s immediately obvious that two guys are chatting her up. They’re typical finance bros and, although her smile is polite and professional, it looks to these hopeful eyes like it’s strained. When she spots me, her face lights up to an extent that’s beyond gratifying, giving me the confidence to do what I do next.

And that’s to stride down the hallway, past the two guys, lean over the lectern and kiss her full on the mouth, my hand wrapping around her neck in a signal I hope readsMINE - BACK OFF.

‘Hi,’ I murmur when I release her.

‘Hi,’ she returns dazedly. She puts her fingertips to her mouth, but she can’t hide her smile as Douche One and Douche Two clatter off down the corridor in search of a more available conquest.

I’ve asked Bal to put our food in the library. I had the impression Natalie enjoyed this room last time she was here, and her happy sigh when she pads in on stockinged feet confirms that. The night is cold, but in here it’s wonderfully cosy, thanks to the drawn curtains and the fire that casts golden shadows over the bookshelves. I spend most of my time at home in my bedroom or study, but this is my favourite room in the house.

‘Let me guess,’ she says. She glances at the tray of food on the coffee table, but there’s none of the irritation she exhibited last time. ‘High protein and slow-release carbs?’

‘You’ve got it.’ I slide my hands around her waist and tugher against me. ‘There might be some cardio later, if I play my cards right,’ I murmur against her ear. ‘Best to refuel while you have the chance.’

Her laugh is music. ‘Is that right?’

My fingers flex on the small of her back. I’m growing addicted to this spot. ‘That, or you’ll be running for the hills. Either way, you’ll need your energy.’

She draws back, suddenly serious. We both know this conversation has to happen. I can’t expect her to take any more leaps of faith than she already has without knowing the full picture, and I’m well aware I need this for myself. If we’re to have anything more than a few libido-fuelled hookups, then I need her to know the real me, for better or for worse.

My attack on Stephen has been the elephant in the room since she first laid eyes on me at Alchemy, and, while I’d like to think some of my actions have allowed her to view me as the man I am today, I can’t gloss over the episode that has defined my entire life’s journey—as well as Natalie’s perception of me until now.

I wait until I’ve tucked her up on the sofa under a soft throw and she’s happily spooning the contents of a chia seed pudding bowl into her mouth before I extract the large leather-bound box from a cupboard under my business books. She eyes it, her eyebrows raised in question.

‘This all feels very serious.’

‘It is serious.’ I sit down next to her and put the box on the coffee table. ‘What I did to your brother is the worst thing I’ve ever done, no question, and I don’t ever expect you or your family to forgive me. But I’d like to give you a little more context, if you’re prepared to listen.’

‘Why?’ She doesn’t say outright that nothing can everjustify my actions, which I appreciate. Her face is curious, but I don’t see judgement there.

‘Partly for selfish reasons. Maybe it’smainlyfor selfish reasons. I told you I’d like to move forward, but I can’t ever expect you to agree to that unless I’m an open book. But also—I’d like you to have all the facts before you make a decision.’

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