Page 443 of The Christmas Wife

"Iamdesolate…without you."

I shake my head and glance away. "Don’t. Please, don’t make this more difficult."

"Whydidyou kiss me?"

"Told you already, it was all an act to convince your grandfather about the veracity of our wedding."

"Didn’t seem like an act."

"Just because there’s chemistry between us doesn’t mean anything. And just because I kiss you, doesn’t mean I’ve forgiven you for everything you did."

His fingers tighten on the steering wheel. "I’m sorry I crossed boundaries I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry I upset you. I’m so sorry it’s causing you so much distress, but"—he swallows—"it helped ensure you were safe and well, and given a choice, I’d do it all over again."

I whip my face in his direction. "Are you hearing yourself? Have you crossed the line so many times that you can’t tell what’s right and wrong? Have you forgotten what it is to be a decent human being?"

"That, I never was." He laughs without humor.

"You were a priest and served your parish; you must have been a decent human being then."

"I was, and then I wasn’t."

"What do you mean?" I frown.

"I walked away from my faith. Then I turned my back on my best friend. I couldn’t face the fact the woman I thought I loved chose him over me. I was envious about their happiness. I was envious of them. That’s how far I had fallen."

"You were human."

"I couldn’t stand to see them together."

"Understandable."

"I hid away, hoping to get my life back together, but I flitted from one focus to another, until I saw you. I saw you and my world rightened."

"You…can’t tell me all this, Edward. It doesn’t make what you did right."

He blows out a breath. "Then tell me how to put it right, Mira, because I have no fucking clue how to make things up to you."

"You have to stop this entire tracking me and having eyes on me and following my every movement baloney, Ed."

He shakes his head. "I… I’m not sure I can do that."

"You have to." I set my jaw. "And you need to tell me why you feel compelled to shadow my every move. Why are you convinced I am in danger? Is it because of the incident?” I scrutinize his features. “Is that what’s making you paranoid about my safety enough to have me followed? Do you have to have eyes on me because that’s the only way you feel reassured?”

He squeezes his lips together. “I told you I need more time to tell you about what happened.”

He must see the disappointment on my features for he blows out a breath.

“Belle, I—” He rubs the back of his neck, “I want to tell you what happened. I swear, I do. And I will, I promise. Just give me a little time okay?”

A crushing sensation squeezes my ribcage. My shoulders feel heavy. I thought…he might make up for what he did by sharing more of himself. I refused to let him down in front of his family; I wouldn’t walk out on him or show my anger toward him in front of them. Did I do that because I wanted to use it as leverage against him? Maybe. I think a part of me hoped it would demonstrate goodwill and encourage him to trust me. Maybe it would put enough pressure on him to reveal the secrets from his past. But it didn't work.

I know I'm not being fair. I know how painful this must be for him. I'm sure whatever happened to him contributes to his need to watch over me at all times, but if he won't tell me anything, how can I understand his actions? Then there’s the fact he's been watching me for almost a year.

All this time, I've had a stalker, and I didn't even know it. And now that I do know, every rational bit of me is telling me to run away.

But there's another part of me saying I just need to listen to his explanation, and it will make sense. Maybe, it's not as creepy as it sounds. On the other hand, maybe, that's just wishful thinking. I'm just so overwhelmed, I don't know what to think… Or feel… Or do.

It's clear he cares about me, and he would never harm me. So that means he can't be a stalker, right? And sure, he wants me enough to take me to his place where he likes to hide out from the world, and he desires me enough to tie me up and mark me and fuck me. He’s protective enough to be my shadow and follow my movements. And even though he hasn't been able to say the words, it's obvious he loves me. Only, that's not enough for me.

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