Page 369 of The Christmas Wife

"Love is not for me."

"But you do love your friends. I know you’re close to Sinclair and the rest of the Seven."

He nods slowly. "The seven of us have been through a lot. We have a bond that cannot be broken. I suppose, I do have a depth of feeling for them. Is it love?" He raises a shoulder. "Maybe. As for romantic love? That will not figure in my life again."

"Why is that? Don’t you owe it to yourself to be happy? Don’t you?—"

"I promised myself not to fall for anyone again."

I gape. "You promised yourself?”

"And that’s all you need to know."

"Wait, that’s not fair. You?—"

The door is pushed open, and Tiny pops his big head around the corner. He looks between us, then shoves the door open the rest of the way. He walks into the room, past Edward and plants his rump near me. He looks up at me with his melting brown eyes—so different from my fiancé’s. Tiny may be a mutt, but there’s something in his eyes that's heartfelt and soft, like he carries his heart in his eyes. My fiancé, on the other hand? Carries his emotions buried behind so many walls… And while I may have seen some flickers of emotion in his gaze, they've been few and far between. As if sensing the turn my thoughts have taken, Tiny makes a whining noise.

"Aww, did you miss Eddie? Is that why you’re here?" I reach over and scratch Tiny behind his ears. He makes a purring sound and leans into my touch.

"Did you call me, Eddie?" His voice is shocked.

I risk a look at his face and find an incredulous expression there. It’s so unexpected, I laugh. Tiny lets out a small bark at that. "He agrees." I nod.

"Agrees with what?"

"That it’s the first time I’m seeing you taken aback."

"Hmph." He firms his lips and schools his features back into that emotionless mask.

"You don’t fool me." I point my forefinger at him.

"Do I want to know what you mean by that?"

"Just that you’re not as impassive as you make yourself out to be."

He seems taken aback, again, then inclines his head. "I decided a while ago there was no place for feelings in my life."

"We’ve established you feel something for your friends and also, for Tiny here."

Tiny woofs, then turns his soulful gaze on Edward. My fiancé scowls at the dog, then sighs. "Yeah, okay, that mutt has a hold of my heart. But that’s it. There is no space for anyone else in my life."

Nice. Now I’m in queue behind a dog. No matter, it’s a Great Dane who’s so intelligent he might well be almost human, I’m not as important as he is to Edward. He must realize how his words sound, for he stiffens. "I didn’t mean?—"

"You did."

"You are my fiancée," he offers.

"Fake fiancée."

"Real to the outside world."

"But it’s a charade."

"It is," he agrees.

"Okay." A heaviness tightens my chest. I wrap my arms about my waist, feeling so very lonely.

I thought when I got married, even if it was an arranged marriage as my father wanted, perhaps, I’d find companionship in it. Perhaps, I’d have my children make up for the loss of a true partner. And sure, I could technically still have kids, but the entire process is going to feel so clinical. I hadn’t thought as far as sex with my future arranged husband… But maybe, a part of me had hoped he’d fall in love with me. That we could find love on the heels of the arrangement. Guess I was wrong. Tears prick the backs of my eyes. I look away. Tiny senses my sadness, and rising up on his feet, he brushes his head gently against my hand. I pat his head, then give in and lean forward to kiss his shaggy head.

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