Page 107 of The Unplanned Wedding

At the same moment she says, "I’m so sorry, June."

I bite the inside of my cheek.

"I really am sorry for what you must have gone through." She swallows.

I hook my fingers through the handle of the cup and raise it to my lips, "I haven’t had a bad life. Far from it. Thanks to Irene?—"

"Irene?"

"She adopted me when I was seven. If not for her, I might not have turned out the way I did."

Claire’s lips firm. She seems to digest what I said, then nods, “I’m glad, she turned out to be good people.”

“Irene’s the best.” I feel compelled to share about my adoptive mother, perhaps, as a way of drawing a contrast between everything she did for me and Claire didn’t? Honestly, I can’t say, but I don’t curb my instinct to speak. Not when I've waited so long to have this conversation with my birth mother. “After me, Irene also adopted Jillian and Ethan. She gave us a family. A home. A sense of identity. She’s always encouraged us to find our own way. She ensured our past didn’t hold us back.”

Claire winces, then seems to compose herself. “I’d love to meet her,” she says in a soft voice.

I look at her in surprise. "You would?" I certainly hadn’t expected my birth mother to say that, and within minutes of meeting her, too.

“Why wouldn’t I?” Claire half smiles.

“Just... I—,” I try to form the words in my head. “Don’t you feel threatened by her?”

"Why should I be?” Her smile turns sad. “She did everything I couldn’t do for my daughter. I might have given birth to you, but she’s the one who guided you through life. She made you the woman you are today."

Something clenched inside of me loosens. I didn’t realize how conflicted I was about searching for my birth ties. In a way, it felt like I was being disloyal to Irene. While that wasn't my intention, I was never able to fully rid myself of that feeling.

"I wanted to find you…so many times," Claire admits.

"Why didn’t you?" I cry. Some of the anger I thought I’d resolved bubbles up to the surface. "I thought about you every single day."

"So did I," she says softly. "I never forgot you, June. But I also didn’t want to risk turning your life upside down. I convinced myself that you were better off wherever you were without me."

My thoughts ricochet around in my head. "I made up all these stories about you. I told myself you were a princess in a tower somewhere, and some villain was keeping you away from me. As I grew older, I was sure there was a reason you didn’t search me out. I was angry with you one second, and the next, I would have given anything to see you." Emotions choke my throat, and I take another sip of tea to try and keep my tears at bay.Gosh, I don’t want to turn into a case of waterworks.

"I am truly sorry for everything." She reaches out to place her hand on mine. I want to shake it off, but the warmth of her touch feels so right, I don’t.

It’s this contradiction in emotions that drives me crazy. This, wanting her to be in my life and loving her simply because she gave birth to me, and yet, always wanting to hold a grudge for how she cast me out of her life.

"Why did you do it? Why did you give me up?" The words burst out of me. "Why, Claire? Why?"

She winces, maybe because I called her by her given name. But what did she expect? Irene is my mother. And although this connection between Claire and me will always remain, I realize, I’m not ready to welcome her back into my life. Not without getting some understanding of the circumstances behind what led to her casting me out of her life.

"I was sixteen and pregnant. My family were devout Catholics. I went to a convent school for girls, where it was drilled into us that sex was a sin. I was rebellious. I couldn’t accept what they told me. I always pushed boundaries."

Like me.I, too, was rebellious and hated restrictions being put on me, but I attributed that to being in the system and acting out to gain attention. But maybe, there's more to it. Maybe, it's part of my personality to test boundaries.

But maybe… That’s because I secretly craved to be controlled. Which is why I'm so attracted to Knox. And his natural dominance invites me to put myself at his mercy. The relief that he'll recognize my needs and do what's right for me… Is something I appreciate even more now. It allows me to find a space where I can relax into myself. The limits he imposes on me, his commands, his orders—all of it gives me permission to let him take care of me. And that…is so incredibly freeing. I bring my attention back to what Claire’s saying.

She leans back in her seat. "I always challenged authority and was often punished by my parents and teachers for it." She laughs without humor. "And once I hit puberty, I couldn’t stay away from boys. I would sneak off on dates, which was forbidden by my parents, so I had to do it even more. And when I found myself pregnant. I knew my parents would disown me, so I never told them."

I frown. "What did you do?”

"I ran away from home. Being a minor, I was picked up by social services, and after I gave birth, relinquished all rights to you. It wasn’t a decision I made easily, but I thought it was the best chance to give you a better start in life. I was sure you’d be adopted right away." She shakes her head. "I never imagined you’d be in foster care for so many years." She peers into my face. "You have to believe that what I did was done out of love. But I hoped you’d find me. I prayed you’d find your way to me.”

“You did?” I rub at my temple. ”You wanted me to find you?”

“I wanted to give the Council my address when I gave you up. I knew you’d get access to your records when you turned eighteen, and I hoped you’d find me then. Unfortunately, my mother found out what I’d done, and she removed any information that could be traced back to me. And I didn't find out for many years.”

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