Page 69 of My Greatest Joy

I look over at her. “How come?”

“My mom would do anything for us girls, and that night, we wanted McDonald’s. Mom didn’t care that it was raining. Living in Seattle, you learn to deal and drive in it. On her way there, a drunk driver swerved into her lane and crashed into her. She died instantly.”

I pull her closer into me. Instinctively, I rub her arm, then place a soft kiss on her forehead. “That’s not your fault, sweetheart. You don’t have to live with that on your conscience. Your mom obviously loved you and wanted to make you happy.”

She wipes a few tears away, and it breaks my fucking heart.

“The day my mom died was the day Christmas became dead to me. I buried every ounce of holiday spirit I had with my mom because it was her favorite holiday. She used to go all out with decorating, and we had a light-viewing tradition. There would be trees in every room, advent calendars leading up to Christmas Day. She did everything in her power to make it special for us. Being here with you made me remember things I’ve kept buried for a long time. The happy times with my mom are nice memories to have, and I’ll forever be grateful for that.”

I give her a sweet smile. “Guess that scammer didn’t ruin everything after all.”

She snorts. “I know I’ve completely taken over your space and have gotten in your way.”

In my heart too, but I don’t say that. “I’ve enjoyed having you around. It’s made me realize a lot of things. Plus, Dasher loves his new babysitter.” I reach over and pet his head. For the past few days, something intense has been brewing between us, and I’m convinced she feels it too.

She looks over at Dasher. “He’s still a little shit even though he’s cute.”

“Yeah, but ya like him. Just admit it already,” I tease, but also wishing we had the courage to put our hearts on the line.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

FALLON

We continue down the trail,jingle bells jangling, and I feel as if the elephant that’s been sitting on my back for the past twenty years has moved over a little.

“What are you thinking about?” Levi asks before I get too lost in my head.

“I’ve never shared that about my mom with anyone outside of my sister and dad,” I admit.

“How come?”

I shrug. “I guess it felt like a lot of emotional baggage to throw on someone. It’s always an awkward thing to bring up, and people usually don’t know what to say or how to act. So I keep it to myself. Plus, it’s always been so hard for me to articulate how I’ve felt over the years.”

“That makes sense.”

“Once my mom was gone and my sister moved out, my dad fell into depression and so did I. Neither of us talked about it, and I guess we thought that if we ignored it, it’d disappear. The holidays were always a reminder of what we lost. I asked him if we could stop celebrating because it was too painful, so we pretended it didn’t exist. We should’ve gone to therapy, but mydad is very stubborn when it comes to talking about his emotions or problems.”

“Sounds like you two have a lot in common,” Levi says with soft eyes, and I smile.

“I’m more like my dad than I like to admit sometimes. My sister is just like my mom.”

“I know you don’t need rescuing, Fallon, but damn, I’d take away the pain if you’d let me.”

My heart flutters, and I don’t know what to say. I touch the necklace around my neck, and he smiles. “My mom’s.”

He nods. “I figured it was.”

“I never take it off,” I tell him. “I’m always scared that if I do, I’ll lose it. My sister has one too and hasn’t taken it off since the day she got it.”

“So you don’t have to answer this question if you don’t want to, but has your sister canceled Christmas as well?”

I slowly exhale. “No, she has kids and loves Christmas as much as our mom did. While it took a lot for her to get there, she eventually came around. Her husband helped her through everything. My dad eventually remarried when I was twenty-two, and my stepmom pulled him out of his shell, too. Then there’s me. The single Scrooge.”

“I can think of a few other names to add to that list,” he teases.

I laugh as snow falls on my eyelashes. “Scrooge. Grinch. Christmas Karen. I’ve been called them all over the years. But I guess if the name fits. I’m the only one who’s stuck living in the past.”

“I was going to say kind, beautiful, inspiring,strong. You’re not a hater because the happiness of it annoys you. It goes deeper than that, and I understand now. I’m sorry if I’m over the top.”

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