Page 13 of In Her Arms

The weight of the lighter in her hand had Goldie itching for a cigarette. It was a bad habit, she knew, and years of PSAs about tobacco would have worked perfectly on her if she hadn’t been offered one on her first set by a handsome butch working with the costume department.

She rose from her chair, feeling a sudden chill. The weather was warming up, but the irregular schedule meant she was tired most of the time. She went through to her bedroom, unhooking a large, fluffy robe from the back of the door. After tying the belt around herself, she returned to the kitchenette and sat on one of the small chairs at the table. She gently wrapped the soft, fuzzy fabric around her, grateful for the warmth it provided. Breathing deeply, she replayed what she had said to Cameron.

Who says I want anything else?

She hadn’t felt...badabout lying. Not at the time, at least. If all Goldie could be to Cameron was a co-worker with benefits, well, that’s all she had to be. She could be that for Cameron.

The issue was that she did not want to be just that for Cameron. Not at all. She was growing increasingly fond of her in a way that had her worried. Not only would they be parting soon, Goldie had started out so rudely that she didn’t know where to go from there now that feelings had begun to develop. Sure, a schoolgirl crush on a crew member wasn’t outside of Goldie’s wheelhouse at all; even she could admit that. But this felt different. Cameron hadn’t been turned off by her humor or her mean jabs. In fact, she seemed to find satisfaction in getting Goldie to drop the act.

That scared her. She was a lot of things, but she certainly didnotwant to be a conquest or a mountain to climb. As messy as the situation was, she wanted to be treated like a person.Cameron had been good at that since day one, not placating her or writing her off but instead listening. She removed herself when Goldie went too far, but she had still come back and worked with her in a way that felt civil.

Maybe I owe her an apology.

She hadn’t had the time to apologize. Any time they were on set, they were with other people, and the second they got any sort of time alone together, they found themselves gettingthoroughlydistracted. She wanted to be able to sit down properly with Cameron and apologize for the way she had acted.

Cameron would probably tell her it was alright, that she understood, that she was just trying to defend herself on the off-chance she ended up being a pervert or a stalker. That didn’t make up for what she had said or the way she had belittled her, and she tried to sit with that guilt.

She wanted whatever she had with Cameron to work while it lasted. Even if it didn’t go as far as she hoped it would, she could look back at it in the future and remember how good it was.

This thought that was meant to reassure her ended up saddening her. She wasn’t sure she would ever be able to have the public know she was a lesbian. She was at the point in her career where the people she worked with wouldn’t care, and if they did, she had enough clout to simply stop working with them without compromising.

She was getting very tired of compromising. And even more tired of putting on a hard-faced bitch persona just to get through the day.

You’re an ass, Goldie. A real ass.

9

CAMERON

“Cam, honey, I got your voicemail.” Deborah’s voice was warm and inviting as usual.

Cameron was standing outside of her apartment block, sheltered underneath an awning, the evening sky pink above her. She held her phone against her ear, and. Deborah had finally picked up the phone.

“Deb, look, as grateful as I am for the opportunity, I’m wondering if you dropped me into a proverbial shark cage here.”

She could hear Deborah sigh down the phone. This was going to be a long conversation. She tried again.

“Deb, why’d you recommend me if you knew she’d be so damn difficult?”

“Cam, I’m so sorry. Adam was the third person to walk out of working with her this year. She’s under contract with the studio and they don’t want any trouble from it, and because I’m executive producing the damn show, they decided to pass it off to me. I know you can handle complicated women. You can handle just about anything.”

“I understand that it had to have been a difficult thing to be shouldered with. You still passed it off to me, though.”

She was genuinely confused. As much as she had grown to appreciate Goldie’s presence, those first weeks had been unbearable. Cameron felt Deborah had a right to know what was going on.

Deborah stayed quiet. This wasn’t like her at all. Normally, she would jump at the chance to let people in on her thought process—at least that’s how Cameron had normally seen her. She could usually trust Deborah with these decisions.; otherwise, she wouldn’t be open to giving her an extra hand.

In the beginning, it was Esme who had trusted Deborah. Over time that trust had extended, but now Cameron wasn’t sure.

“Deb?”

“Cam, listen. Please don’t ask me how, but I knew you would be a good fit.”

That took her by surprise.

Does she..?

“But how were you able to tell?” Cameron asked. She needed to know. The silence on the other end of the phone was charged.

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