Page 135 of The Throne's Undoing

"Why not?" Ellie asked, frowning.

Kallie stared at the sky. A light hand touched her shoulder. Whenshe looked at Terin, he was watching her carefully with only empathy shining in his brown eyes. He squeezed her shoulder, and Kallie sighed.

"You do not understand. I've done horrible things. For as long as I can remember, I was the king's puppet. He used me; he used my gift, forcing me to manipulate anyone who spoke out against him. He didn't just wish for their obedience, though." Kallie took several steps away from the other two when she grew silent as the memories of past assignments surfaced.

"What did he make you do?" Ellie asked softly.

Kallie rubbed her throat, and she could feel her skin becoming raw beneath her palm. She dropped her hand but kept her back turned toward them, unable to look at either of them as she relayed what the king had forced her to become.

Domitius may not have had his claws in her mind, but his shadow still loomed over her past. And while Terin, no doubt, knew some of what the king had done, she didn't know how much he truly knew.

Certainly, if he knew everything, he would no longer look at her with empathy.

"Manipulating them to obey, while still immoral, would have been one thing," Kallie said, her voice shaking slightly. "It would have been easy, but nothing with Domitius is easy. He did not wish his opposers to get away with disagreeing with him. He wanted them to suffer. And...I think he wanted me to suffer a little bit, too.

"When I was younger, I argued with him constantly, trying to find logic and reasoning in his actions. Sometimes, I argued with him when he denied a citizen more food rations after court. He would say I was too emotional, too easily swayed to feel sympathy for others who did not deserve it. Then, he would send me on an assignment. Sometimes, he'd force me to manipulate a man into entering a brawl."

"Well, that doesn't sound too bad," Ellie said hesitantly.

Kallie shook her head with a huff and turned, facing her. "I would command them to lose the fight, to get injured purposely. Other times..." She paused, the memories choking her. She pressed forward. "Other times were much worse. My hands may not have ever driven a sword through someone's heart, but I might as well have. Death has been a shadow that has followed me far longer than I care to admit."

When Kallie met their gazes with hesitancy, horror blanketed Ellie's and Terin's faces.

Kallie took a step back. Then another.

She shouldn't have told them.

The urge to flee thumped in her chest.

Yet she forced her feet to remain plastered to the ground because, if nothing else, they deserved to know the monster they had welcomed into their home, the monster they rescued.

"So you see," Kallie said, her voice hoarse, "I do not deserve your kindness or your trust. My gift is no more than a curse, and it is not one that I wish to use."

Terin stepped forward, his brows knitting together and deep grooves creasing the center of his forehead. "What Domitius made you do is horrendous, Kallie. No one should ever be forced to use their gift, especially in such a wicked way as he made you use it. But..." Terin hesitated, twisting his hands together. After thinking about his words briefly, he straightened and held hisfists at his sides. "Our abilities need to be nurtured, Kallie. If they are not--"

Kallie shook her head and cut him off. "I will not manipulate anyone again," she breathed.

"But you must," Ellie said, taking a step forward, her eyes wide. "If a war is coming, your gift will be more useful than you can imagine."

"I said no!" Kallie dug her heels into the ground, fury quickly rising in her throat and forcing the words to come harsher than she had intended. "I will not be used again. Because it is not just my gift you wish to use, it is me."

"And if war comes?" Ellie pressed, brows raised and her hand tensing around the hilt of her blade. "If Domitius marches his troops across the seven kingdoms? If he spreads the destruction he has already caused in Pontia? What will you do when the Frenizians give the bull king their grenades to use? What will you do when more creatures like Nyrri, but more feral and ravaged, take to the skies? What will you do then, Kalisandre?"

Ellie was toe-to-toe with Kallie now, her chest rising quickly.

But she wasn't the only one angry. Every muscle in Kallie's body vibrated. As Ellie continued to stare down at Kallie, Kallie tipped her chin up and spoke past the tears burning the back of her eyes. "I will not be a weapon for another kingdom. I cannot. I refuse to do so."

"Ellie has overstepped," Terin said, stepping between them, forcing Ellie backward. "No one will force you to do anything."

Despite the sincerity within Terin's words, Kallie did not miss the shock across Ellie's features, the way her lips parted and the whites of her eyes enlarged.

Terin continued, "I only asked about your gift because it can be dangerous to keep it bottled up."

"Dangerous how?" Kallie asked, her stomach twisting.

He grimaced. "Your emotions can be hard to control."

"That doesn't sound too bad," Kallie mumbled.

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