Page 88 of As the World Falls

“He was in your bedroom, Lia. You’ve never let me cross that threshold.” His voice is pained, and I know he feels it. I was beginning to feel it because he was right. I’ve never wanted him in my bedroom. I never thought of what it’d be like to have him in there. In bed with me. Now it feels downright impossible to think about because the only person I can think about being in there with me is… James.

This whole conversation was starting to feel like something was being set in stone. Like a final decision was being made. Tears spring from my eyes as I gaze back at him, wishing I could conjure up even the slightest flicker of desire for him.

“I’m sorry,” I cry. “I wish I felt the same way. You have no idea how much.”

He nods, a sharp exhale leaving him. “Apparently not enough.”

“Lance…”

“I’m going to take off early today. I actually have something I need to take care of. Are you okay by yourself?”

I wipe the tears from my eyes, trying to keep myself together. “Yeah. Yeah, I’ll be fine.”

He nods again, grabs his jacket off the hanger, and shrugs it on, never making eye contact with me. Then he’s gone too—without another word.

I feel like I’m going to be sick, so I mindlessly move behind my desk and drop into my chair. I already feel exhausted by this day, and I’ve only been at work for less than twenty minutes.

“Excuse me? Are you Cecilia Bowen?” I look up to see a man with a warm smile wearing a startlingly bright teal sweater.

“Yes. Sorry. Hi, how can I help you?” I say, standing up now.

“I’m here for the book club that starts today. I was just wondering where we were meeting.”

“Oh my gosh. Right, I’m so sorry. If you head upstairs, you’ll see the blocked lounge area set up for the meeting. I’ll be up there shortly.”

He smiles at me, and it’s like a little bit of his warmth touches me, perking me up a little. “Great. I can’t wait,” he chimes. I watch as he meets the man waiting behind him by the best-seller table. They grab each other’s hands and head up the stairs together. Shortly after, I see three more people head up the stairs.

I wipe under my eyes again and shake myself, trying to rid the dark cloud looming over me. I wouldn’t let this entire day be soured by something that I knew deep down would always happen. I just didn’t expect it to happen so soon.

Later, I’m practically bouncing off the walls after the book club meeting. We ended up with a smaller turnout, only seven of us, to be exact, including myself. But I found that I liked the smaller setting better. It felt more intimate, and I feel like I formed closer bonds with the people I met today.

I mainly got along with Ambrose, the man I had met earlier, and his husband, Marlin. Despite being together for twelve years, they were the epitome of puppy love. They had already offered to be head of the snack table since Ambrose owned a small café, which was absolutely perfect. Marlin was a writer himself and had published a few mystery novels. Everyone was just great, and we’d all easily decided on our first book that we’d meet back next weekend to discuss after reading the first five chapters. I couldn’t wait.

I say goodbye to everyone, unable to keep the smile off my face. I was happy my day was finally getting better, but now I have some work to do. Not only did I have to put away my returns and log them, but I also had to do some severe reorganization, which was supposed to be Lance’s responsibility today. I hoped the library stayed quiet and less busy so I could get some work done around here without being tied to my desk.

I pick up a stack of books that, in hindsight, were way too tall of a pile for me to carry all at once, but like always, I persevere. Except I run straight into something that has my books crashing on the floor around me. The last book lands with a thud, and I look up to see a man standing behind the rummage, rubbing his chest.

“Oh my gosh. I am so sorry. That was totally my fault.”

“No, no, that’s okay. I kind of always wanted to know what a dent would look like in my chest,” he jokes.

I wince, slowly dropping to the floor to pick up the books. “I’m so sorry,” I repeat. “I think I have a first aid kit at my desk if you?—”

“Nah, I’m fine. It was just a little brush. No big deal.” He drops to the floor with me, compiling a stack of books into his arm. “You should have some help around here carrying all these books.”

“I usually do, but not today.”

“Lead the way,” he says, standing after me. “I’ll help you put them up.”

“I can’t ask you to do that. I practically maimed you with them.”

He chuckles. “I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going either, so please, let me help you.”

I smile politely. “Okay, follow me.” I let him follow me to put the books back, making haste so I’m not wasting too much of his time.

“So, are you the librarian of this place?” he asks.

“Yup. My name’s Cecilia, by the way, if I can help you with anything else. Maybe get you an ice pack,” I joke.

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