Page 21 of As the World Falls

“Does it have anything to do with your brother coming back around?”

I eye him warily but remain stoic. “Not really. It’s nice having him around. He’s changed.”

“For now,” he scoffs, and I feel a surge of annoyance filter through me. I try to push it down because I know Lance only speaks from experience. After all, Tobias has led me down the hopeful road and failed me every time. But… this time, it did feel different. Surprisingly enough, I wasn’t too worried about his addictions. It was what he was spending his time doing instead that was stressing me out.

“Let’s just get going,” I say, changing the subject. I follow him out of the library and turn around, locking the doors. We began walking down the sidewalk since we lived only three blocks from Stone Corridor, and we liked the walk home at night. It was peaceful and a nice way to wind down after working all day, even if it was getting uncomfortably cold at night now that we were shifting from summer to fall.

“So, you have anything in mind for dinner tonight?” he asks, side-eyeing me from his pace next to me.

“Something quick,” I tell him. “I have some errands I need to run early in the morning.”

“Oh yeah? What kind of errands?”

“Just…some stuff. It’s nothing.”

“Lia…” he dragged out my name, and I suddenly felt like a child, and I didn’t care much for that feeling. I was a grown woman, and I was allowed to have a personal life that he didn’t need to know every second of. Although I usually never cared before, so why do I care so much now? “You’re being evasive,” he speaks again. “You have been for days. I feel like there’s something you’re not telling me.”

I grumble, irritated with him and myself. I knew how annoying it was to be evasive because it was how James Kingston had been with me, and it made me want to flick him repeatedly in the nose until he gave me some useful information. But once again…I don’t owe Lance anything, even if he was my best friend.

“It’s personal, Lance,” I finally get the gull to say, except it comes out with a bite to my tone that I didn’t intend.

He blinks rapidly and focuses his gaze on his feet as we walk. “Kay got it.”

“I’m sorry,” I rush out. “It’s just…it’s personal. I need to have some things just for myself, you know?”

“I don’t. I didn’t think we hid things from each other.”

“Why does it have to be hiding something? Why can’t it just be that I have my life, and you have yours?”

We stopped outside our apartment building, and he turned to face me, his eyes searching mine like they were looking for an answer that he should be finding easily. “Is that what you want? Cause sometimes I thought there could be anourlife in the future.”

His confession shocks me because although I wasn’t naive to think there wasn’t something between us, neither of us ever voiced it. We just simply alwayswere.

“I…I don’t know,” I admit. He tears his gaze away like he’s surprised and hurt by my answer, and I step toward him, needing to close the distance and try and make whatever washappening with us better because I hated feeling like things were off between us. “You know I love you, but I don’t know how I feel about transitioning our relationship into something more.”

He looks down at me, clearly confused. “Have I imagined this thing between us the last couple of years? Am I pushing you into something you don’t want?”

“No,” I blurt out. “There has been something…I think…but I don’t know if I can explore that with you. It’s…scary because I know that if we did, I could never hurt you, and I’m scared of ruining everything.”

He breathes and finally meets my gaze with his softer one. “I don’t ever want to scare you, Lia. I’ve been afraid of the same thing.” I smile up at him, feeling my chest warm at his understanding. “Come on,” he tilts his head toward the front doors. “I think I have pizza bagels in the freezer if that’s quick enough for you.”

“Oh, pizza bagels are the bomb,” I snicker as I follow him into the building and up to his apartment. I don’t miss how he waits for me to go ahead and places his hand to hover at the small of my back as he leads me to the elevator. Or how he looks at me with so much love and patience from the opposite side of it.

I also don’t miss the way my legs shake, and it feels like my chest is going to cave in and suffocate me to death when I think about being something more with him.

I marveled at the city around me as people bustled through the streets. The smell of fresh coffee and pastries filled the crisp air. There was also an underlying smell of pure garbage because, let’s face it, this was the city.

The block was full of people on their way to work, and there was a magnificent cafe right next to Labyrinth Crystal’s storefront that made the entire block smell probably better than most in the city. I couldn’t help but stop in there for a coffee and a Danish before going into Labyrinth’s because it was so enticing. Now that I was sated, it was go time.

I pulled my sunglasses down over my eyes and fidget with my cardigan and long skirt, trying to appear fancier than I was because, let’s face it, a woman in a long floral skirt, thrifted cardigan, and dirty sneakers wasn’t exactly screaming I had money and could afford to buy something from this place. Still, it was the best I had, so here we go.

I walk through the doors and smile at the security guard who greets me. I quickly move past him, hoping to God that James hasn’t put my picture up on some do-not-allow store database.

I walk towards the first counter closest to me and gaze at the case full of necklaces with chunky crystals, which are ugly, in my opinion. Still, I didn’t consider myself a jewelry expert, so I’m sure my opinion meant nothing to most people who frequent the shop. I also didn’t care for jewelry in general. The only piece I ever wore was my teddy charm necklace that my mother gave me when I was ten. She knew I had a thing for teddy bears, but I was being made fun of at school for still liking toys my age, so I threw them all away while sobbing. The next day, she came home with my necklace. That way, I could always have a teddy.

The memory of her and all of the caring things she did for me that stopped after she died, care that I never regained from anyone else, never failed to create a knot in my throat and leave me with a longing so bone deep. It wasn’t hard to shove the feeling down like I usually do. It was deep enough to hide.

I finger the necklace at my throat as I look down at all the meaningless crystals shimmering back at me. Although theywere insanely expensive, nothing in this store could compare to the value of the forty-dollar necklace around my neck.

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