Page 137 of As the World Falls

I now twirl her hair around my fingers, finding solace in the act. “Everything is fine, babe. I just like being near you.”

Marco clears his throat, now empty-handed. “I’ll go stand guard at the front door,” he announces before giving us space.

When he’s gone, I bring my attention back to her. “You and Marco seem to be getting along.”

She smiles again. “Yeah, he’s a big softie the more you get to know him. Did you know he has twin daughters? He said they’re starting to get into fantasy books, so I gave him some pointers.”

“I did know that. I do background checks on everyone I employ.”

She huffs. “Because you couldn’t possibly take a personal interest in the guy.”

I think for a moment. “We’ve had small talk here and there. He told me once his daughters knew how to shoot a 9mm. I thought that was impressive.”

She blinked at me once. “How old are they?”

“Fifteen, if I recall correctly.”

Her mouth softens into another smile. “So, you do care. You just don’t show it.”

I shrug, pulling a book from the shelf and looking it over to distract myself from the conversation. The cover has two children on it, one boy and one girl, riding a dragon into a treehouse. A question plaguing me for weeks looms in my head, feeling suddenly heavier than ever.

“Can I ask you something, babe?”

She kneels on the floor, fiddling with some books on the bottom shelf. “Of course.”

The words feel foreign as I attempt to get them out of me. I almost choke at the feeling of it, but I force them out anyway. “Do you…Do you want children?”

Her hands pause their movements as she looks up at me from over her shoulder. “Whoa, heavy question.”

“Yes, well, it’s important to know. We haven’t exactly been careful.”

She rubs her hands down the front of her thighs as she stands now. “Uhm…well…I never thought about it before. I’m on the pill, and I trust you, so it’s never crossed my mind.”

“You’ve never had dreams of being a mother? Thought of what you’d name your children?”

She looks puzzled now. “No…actually. Now that you mention it, I don’t think I’ve ever desired it before. I’ve never given it much thought.”

“If you thought about it, do you think you would?”

She eyes me warily now. “Where is this coming from?”

I sigh, feeling a ton of bricks in my stomach. “I don’t think I want children. I’m not cut out for it. I’ve never had the desire for them.”

“Wow, I did not expect all of this today,” she mutters, wiping her hair anxiously away from her face.

“Tell me what you’re thinking,” I beg. “I know this is probably not the time or place, but I need to know if this will break us.”

“Break us? James, I love you. Nothing is going to break us.” Her hand reaches for mine, and I practically snatch it, holding it against my chest.

“This kind of thing breaks a lot of couples.”

She smiles gently, and everything slows down a little bit. I feel like I can breathe. “Well, as naive as it feels to give a final answer on the matter since I’ve never thought about it… I don’t think I want kids either. I mean, I’m not totally against it, but I’m also perfectly happy not having them. Honestly, I’m not sure I am or ever will be mentally comfortable enough for them…and I think that’s okay. A bigger, more selfish part of me feels like I’ve been taking care of people my whole life. I want to be done, as bad as that sounds.”

My heart does the hard beating thing again.

I step closer to her, using the hand I held to drag her against me. “So…just us then?”

She trails her fingers into my hair, holding my face in her palm. “Just us,” she repeats. I lean down and kiss her, delighting in the small whimper that escapes the back of her throat. “James,” she groans. “I have work to do, and we can’t do this here.” She fully breaks apart from me now. “Lance is here, and I want to be respectful.”

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