Page 74 of As the World Falls

Get in line, buddy. I was up all night asking myself that same question.

“It’s nothing. My brother is the only connection between us. That’s it.”

He nods, but he keeps watching me like he’s waiting for me to crack and tell him how James and I sucked each other's faces off outside his club and that it was the best kiss of my life that I can’t stop thinking about no matter how hard I try. But that’s not going to happen. Lance would probably…I actually don’t know how he’d react to that news, but something tells me it wouldn’t be good.

“If you say so,” he chimes.

“I do,” I reply sternly.

He nods and finally makes himself busy in a different part of the library. I hate to say it, but I breathe easier now that I’m away from him again. I hated feeling this way about my own best friend, but he was suffocating me anymore. I also wanted things to return to how they were before, but the future was looking bleak right now. He had a clear expectation regarding our relationship, and I was faltering under the pressure of it.

Thankfully, the rest of the day went by fast since I had pretty much zero seconds to think about anything stress-worthy. I was so busy helping customers, organizing an entire genre of books,and planning some more preparations for my upcoming book club. When I’m done, I see Lance turning the open sign to its closed side.

“You ready to go?” he asks, walking toward my desk.

“Yeah, just a second,” I answer, shutting down my computer. I gather my things and follow him outside the library when I'm done. We walk down the stairs side by side and begin our descent back to our apartments. We’re only a few feet down the sidewalk when he bumps me with his shoulder.

“What?” I chuckle, finding his mouth drawn in amusement.

“I missed you while you were gone,” he says, glancing down at me.

I scrunch up my nose as I peer up at him. “Shut up,” I joke, unsure how to respond.

“I’m serious,” he presses. “You’ve never really been away from me like that before.”

“What am I, your dog?”

He chuckles and shakes his head. “You know what I mean.”

I think I do, and it makes this all the more uncomfortable. I notice him walking closer to me now, and our hands at our sides brush together. My stomach jolts in panic when they brush a second time, and then the third time they do, he entangles his fingers with mine.

I kept up my pace, trying to ignore the fact we were holding hands. This was so weird.

I glanced at our interlocked hands, staring at them momentarily before looking up at him. He looked relaxed, keeping his gaze ahead as we walked.

I think for a brief second that things could be this way. I could try to see what it would be like if I explored whatever this was with him. He’d be more safe than James ever could be. It would be easy. But the closer we get to our building, the morepanic wells inside me, and I rip my hand from his, unable to stand it any longer.

He stops and looks down at me, his face drawn in concern. “What’s wrong?”

“I…uh…I need to go to the drugstore.”

“The drugstore?”

“Yeah, I forgot I needed something.”

“I’ll walk with you.”

“No,” I rush out. “I need to get…tampons,” I lie.

His face morphs into a really annoying expression as if he smells something bad. “Oh, it’s that time of the month,” he says like it’s something gross.

I roll my eyes before responding. “Yup. So, I’m gonna go. Don’t wait up, okay?”

“Okay,” he replies, relenting quicker than I thought he would, but I’m not complaining. I turn back in the direction I came from, deciding I’ll get ice cream or something at the drugstore.

How immature is it that there are still grown men who are disgusted by women’s periods? Just when you think the world has come a long way, sometimes you find yourself thinking, we really haven’t at all, have we?

I’m almost to the drugstore when a dark black car with windows too dark to see inside slowly drives past me and stops just ahead of me. I pause momentarily, curious as to why it’s just stopped. I begin to walk faster, my fight or flight kicking in. That feeling of being watched again hits me hard.

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