Page 151 of As the World Falls

I reach out and let the back of my knuckles glide against her collarbone. She lets out a sharp gasp at the contact. “I’m right here, babe.”

She shuts her eyes as I caress my hand over her shoulder, sweeping her hair back over it. “I know, but it feels like we’re walking on eggshells around each other. Like we’re not actually dealing with anything.”

“So, what are you saying?”

“I don’t know,” she says again. “I just don’t want us to fall apart—not now.”

My heart squeezes in my chest. “I love you,” I tell her. I love her so fucking much it’s killing me.

“I love you too,” she answers as she crawls over to be right beside me. She lets the blanket fall from her body, her bare breasts on display.

I look down at her and instantly am consumed with need. To touch her. Feel her warm skin. Her beating heart. To feel her shake against me as I’m inside her.

I lean into her and kiss her neck, noting how she slightly trembles beneath me. Then I take the blanket and pull it back over her body, concealing her again.

When I pull back, she looks confused, and that also kills me.

“You need your rest,” I tell her. “We shouldn’t be… doing any of that just yet.”

“It’s fine,” she says quickly. “The doctor said I could if we’re careful.”

“I’d rather wait a little longer. Your injury is still so fresh. You get tired so easily these days. It’s not a big deal to wait.”

Now she looks pissed as she sits back in bed, putting distance between us again. “You don’t want to touch me. Got it.”

I stand from the bed now. “That’s not it. You know it’s all I ever want. But you’re fragile?—”

“I am not fragile,” she interrupts me, raising her voice.

“You are. You’re extremely fragile right now. Not just your body but your mind. You just had a nightmare, and I can probably guess what it was about. You just went to your friend's funeral today and passed out after just taking a bath. You’re drained. I’m drained. We’re not ready for that right now.”

“I told you I was fine!”

“No, you’re not.” I began pacing back and forth. I didn’t want to get angry, but how could she not see that she wasn’t okay? That I wasn’t okay? “I think you should talk to someone,” I finally told her.

She rears back in surprise. “Like a shrink?”

“A therapist, Cecilia. Someone that can help you cope with the trauma.”

“That’s what I’m looking for from you,” she admits.

“I can’t,” I tell her, finally admitting it for the first time. “I can love you, Cecilia. I can, and I will love you so fucking much, but I don’t know how to make you feel safe. I want to, but I failed you once, and I don’t know how to not do it again.”

She crawls to me again and sits in my lap, resting her head against my chest as she wraps her arms around me. Mine instantly wrap around her, and I breathe a little easier for the first time today.

“I feel safe with you,” she whispers. “You don’t have to try at it. I always feel safe with you. Just because the outside world can still touch us out of our control does not ever mean that I am not safe with you.” I try to believe that, but I can’t. Not when she almost died in my own arms. “I’ll talk to someone, I guess. If you think it will help,” she relents.

“I think it will,” I say in relief, hoping it will provide some guidance that I’m incapable of providing.

“Okay,” she agrees.

I hold her to me as I gently pull her back into bed and let her fall back asleep in my arms. I stay awake the rest of the night, just listening to her breathe.

Chapter Forty-Four

Cecilia

“How is your nighttime routine? Are you still having nightmares?”

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