Page 116 of As the World Falls

“I didn’t seduce him,” I grumble, rolling my eyes. “But I wouldn’t have had to put myself in those situations if you had just let me in. You kept me from you for years, and when you finally come back to me, you’re this whole different person. Ithought you were dead, Tobias, and you might as well have been. This person you are now…it’s not who you used to be. I’m not saying I’m not happy with you getting clean because I am, but this suit and tie, gun in your waistband persona was never you. It terrified me, which is why I have done all of this. It was all to keep me from losing you again.”

“Do you hear yourself, Lia? How selfish that sounds? You want to keep me in a box so thatyoudon’t have to feel any more pain. What about my pain? Huh? Doesn’t that matter to you? Doesn’t it matter to you that for the first time in my life, I’m fucking happy, and it’s all because of everything James has given me? Did you ever once think about how I felt, or were you only thinking about saving yourself?”

I look down at the floor, his words striking me where they intended. I couldn’t look at him because he was right. I hated it so much. I didn’t want to lose him, but did that mean I should have tried to ruin his life? I already knew the answer to that. I let fear control everything I have done these last couple of months.

“I don’t know what to say,” I admit. “I’m sorry for trying to sabotage you. I’m sorry for going behind your back with James. Okay? I’m sorry. But I will never fully be okay with what you do.”

“But you’re okay with James doing it?” he sneers.

“Absolutely not.”

“Then why the hell are you with the guy? He’s the damn king of it all.”

“I don’t know,” I shout back, tears filling my eyes and breaking my voice. “But I can’t…I can’t stay away from him. I have tried, and it makes me miserable. He sees me—like really sees me. He understands every move I make and every thought I think. He makes me feel alive. I’m done trying to fight it.”

Tobias nods, his scowl deepening as he stares at the floor. “This will only make you a bigger target. If this thing with you guys is for real, nights like tonight…it will be your life.”

“James took a bullet for me, Tobias. I owe him my life, and I will always want him in it.”

Tobias scrapes a tired hand down his face and sighs heavily. “I’m too tired for this conversation. I’m going to my apartment. Are you coming or staying?”

I swallow nervously, looking down the hall where James disappeared and then back at my brother. “I’m staying.”

“Fuck me,” he grumbles before snatching his jacket off the back of the armchair and striding to the door. He stops after he turns the handle, creaking the door open a crack. He looks over at me, his face hard like stone. “Be careful.”

“You should know I always am,” I tell him.

He shakes his head as he walks out the door, mumbling to himself. “Not fucking lately.”

I roll my eyes and look back down the hall again, the apartment feeling hauntingly quiet. Was he asleep in there, or was he waiting for me? I didn’t know why I felt so nervous all of a sudden. Maybe it was because it was all so real now. So solidified.

He loved me. He told me he freaking loved me.

I keep replaying his whole confession repeatedly in my head, and it makes my stomach whirl in happiness every time. I didn’t know if this thing between me and him would work out, but I knew I owed it to him and myself to try, no matter how scary it was.

I tip-toed down the hall, stopping in front of the room whose door was ajar but not open. I exhaled a deep breath and pushed the door open, walking inside. Warm lighting dimmed the room, casting a faint glow on its emptiness. The only things inside the bedroom were the bed and a horizontal dresser with only a watch holder and three watches hanging from it.

A door to my left opens, and I jump, spotting James walking out of what I assumed was the attached bathroom. He slowswhen he spots me, and the sight of him steals the speech right out of me.

His straight hair was slightly disheveled and wet, leaving a couple of strands hanging over his forehead. He was in his usual black sweatpants, which made me wonder if it was the only color of sweats he owned. He was shirtless, his body covered in a faint dew from what I assumed was the shower because he smelled like fresh rain and something spicy and rich that I couldn’t put my finger on. His right shoulder was bandaged, and although I hated that he was hurt… it did make him look a touch more badass than he usually did, but I won’t ever admit that to him.

“I wasn’t sure if you’d stay,” he says, breaking me from my stare.

My eyes shoot up to his, finding them softer than his normal threatening glare. “I don’t have a choice,” I tell him.

He walks closer to me, tilting his head. “You always have a choice, Cecilia.”

“Can’t you see that I don’t? You have all the power over me.”

He sighs like my confession was music to his ears. “Likewise,” he murmurs, stopping just in front of me. His arms rest at his sides, but his fingertips brush against mine until I gently tangle mine into his. “How did your talk with Tobias go?”

“Not great, but…a little resolved, so that’s good.”

“He’s upset, though?”

I nod. “A little bit.”

“What about you?”

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