Page 21 of Something Borrowed

The couple kiss torridly on the screen, tongues and hands roaming and clothes starting to come off.

“Lord Billington kisses Jane and then takes off her dress.” Stan’s audio description comes on, breaking up the sultry atmosphere on the screen like a crowbar on a piece of glass. “He strokes her breasts and then takes off his trousers. He lies atop her, and she opens her legs. They look yearningly at each other as Lord Billington enters her. He thrusts inside her slowly at first and then faster and faster.”

“Oh my god,” I groan, slumping on the sofa. “This is about as erotic as our old headmaster would have been reading ‘Tropic of Cancer’.”

Stan snorts and pauses the Netflix series we’re watching. “I’m trying to picture that. Didn’t you try to take that book out of the library once?”

“The librarian showed me the door.”

“I still can’t believe that.Especially after you told her you wanted to read it because you were interested in travelling to Mauritania.”

I can’t stop my laughter and lean into him. He throws his arm over my shoulders, and I snuggle closer. His body is hot against mine, and I can feel all the tight, lean lines of his torso. I shouldn’t pay any attention to it, as this is my best friend, but I can’t help myself. It’s been happening a lot lately. He’ll smile at me, and my heart beats faster. He’ll move in a certain way, and my mind will seize on the smooth honey tone of his skin or the sharp line of his jaw. I push the awareness away again determinedly.

“Put it back on,” I say, flicking the remote control in his hand. “And do make sure to keep engaging the audio description.”

“You were literally just criticising it.”

“I’m getting used to his voice. Soon, I won’t be able to have sex unless he’s narrating it.”

“I can’t even begin to imagine how he’d manage. The poor man would blush until his head fell off.”

“Is that even a thing?” I assume the snooty voice of the audio describer. “‘Rafferty Kendrick’s handsome face is set and sexy as he reaches down and unbuttons the footman’s breeches.’”

“Wouldn’t you aim higher than a footman? What about the butler? You’d have more opportunities to meet. Butlers had their own rooms.”

“Stanley, you’re managing to be both a snob and almost erotically practical.”

“There’s no almost about it. Iamerotic. And your narration is as far away from literature as I am from shagging Harry Styles. It sounds like bad smut.”

“Hush.” I continue again in the audio describer’s voice. “‘Rafferty tosses back his strawberry-blond hair and lowers himself to his knees. The footman swallows hard, which is coincidental because that’s just what Rafferty is about to do.’”

Stan starts to laugh. “The AD man never comments on things. He just states events.”

He’s close enough that I feel the heat of his breath. With the worst timing in the world, my cock stirs, and I suck in a gasp of air.

“Raff?”

It takes me a second to catch up with the conversation. “Where was I?”

“The AD man never loses his place.”

“I’m beginning to hate that paragon of virtue. Now, what was I saying? Oh yes. ‘Rafferty leans in and sniffs at the footman’scrotch. A lusty expression crosses his face, and the footman’s cock twitches. Rafferty reaches in and draws out the other man’s penis. It’s hard, with precome slicking the bulbous head.’”

Stan stirs, his breath coming a little faster. I’m unsure if it’s my imagination, but the room suddenly seems very hot. I tug at my collar.

“Go on,” Stan says. His voice is low and hoarse, and I shudder. What the fuck is the matter with me? “What happens next?” he whispers.

“‘Rafferty…’” I stop and clear my throat. “‘Rafferty licks up the shaft, tasting the tartness of his seed.’” I wait for him to piss take about the use of the word seed, but the room is silent apart from the sounds of our raspy breathing. “‘The footman groans, and Rafferty puts his hand over his mouth to silence him. His other hand cups the man’s sac, rolling the orbs gently. The man groans again, his breath wet and hot on Rafferty’s palm.’”

Stan strokes my arm in tiny motions, and I’m pretty sure he’s unaware of it. I wish I could say the same. It’s like each digit is trailing sparks across my skin, and now my cock has become as stiff as a board. Because of Stan. My best friend, I remind myself frantically, but it does no good, and I can’t stop myself.

As if from a distance, I see myself nestling closer, pushing the side of my body into his. I wonder wildly if there’s been a chemical leak in London where some kind of erotic gas has been released. It’s got to explain why Stan is leaning into me instead of pulling away.

“Go on,” he says in a low voice.

I know I shouldn’t. I should be sitting up and making a joke instead of racking my brains for the words to describe the erotic story. I was never any good at listening to my conscience, so it’s understandable that just when I need it most, it appears to have gone on holiday.

“‘Rafferty takes the head of the penis into his mouth. He sucks on it, his cheeks hollowing with the force.’”

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