An echo of the love I had for him.
Each feeling poured onto the strings, dramatic but hopeful.
This is the way I spoke with the world. It always had been.
This was where I could be honest with myself, the place I was the bravest.
If he heard this song, would he know I cared about him? That I always had?
I ached for Tag, and the pain in his life that was hidden from the world. As I played, I processed all the things he wrote and said, all the stories he told me, all the things I didn’t know.
I wondered about the rain. And I wept for the man who didn’t want love.
I was so lost in the music, it took a rolling clap of thunder to jerk me into the present. I startled back to reality, Glory bonking onto the arm rest of the swing.
A loud bang in the barn snapped my attention across the barnyard. I held my breath and listened, my heart rate spiking. What was that?
Bang. Bang.
My fingers dragged across the strings, the gentle squeak lost in the receding thunder. The storm was on its way back.
I waited in silence for a few minutes. Right when I was chiding myself for my fear, another clap of thunder sounded, immediately followed by the banging again and the restless whine of a horse.
Maybe the storm was stressing one of the horses out?
Tillie!
She was pregnant and antsy and had bad history with loud noises. Maybe she was scared.
I slipped on the shoes I typically left by the side door, clutchedGlory to my chest, and scampered across the barnyard. Light rain began and the cool drops soaked into my hair and pajama shirt as I ran.
Once in the barn, I proceeded to Tillie’s stall in the dark.
Before I’d even reached her half door, I heard her. Stamping and puffing. Blowing air in agitation. I stopped and whispered her name. “Tillie?”
Her exhale was loud and long. Like a sigh of relief.
“You okay, girl?”
She stuck her head over the door, and my free hand found her face. By this point, we were friends. I’d been to her stall almost every day and gave her extra peppermint treats when Tag wasn’t looking. As if she was thinking of treats too, she dropped her muzzle to my waist, sniffing around my pockets. “Sorry, Mama, I don’t have any treats for you right now.”
She huffed.
“Want me to go get some?”
She shifted, her head softly butting against my chest. I had to hold Glory away from my body.
“Okay, hang on.”
I fumbled to the storage closet in the dark and blindly felt around until I located the closet light and flipped it on. I shoved a few treats in my short’s pocket and returned to her stall, leaving the light on.
I went inside her stall and propped Glory against the wall. Laughter bubbled out of me as she nuzzled my pockets again. I offered her the treats and she munched them down. Theswish-swishof her happy tail joined in the noise of the crunching and the rain.
“The storm upset you too, huh?”
I waited as if she could answer me.
“It woke me up. Are you thinking about your baby coming?”