Page 86 of Love Me Reckless

“I’m doing fine.” As long as I don’t think too hard about Sawyer, that is.

Thanks to the time difference and the Chinese government’s strict rules regarding communication with the U.S., I wasn’t able to text or call him. When I returned, I hoped to see a missed message from him, even if it’s just about our ski date I was forced to cancel, but there’s been nothing. I know he’s busy, and probably angry. I wish I had a way to explain, but how can I do it without breaking my promise?

“I had a chance to talk with that fiancé of yours.” She taps her temple. “Very sharp. Serious too.”

“Yes, he’s very ambitious.”

“He’s clearly fond of you.” We step into her room. The giant bed has been turned down, with the bedside table lamp casting a soft glow across the plush ivory carpet. The big windows facing themountain view act like a mirror, and even though the image of us is faint, my smile looks like a grimace.

“I had no idea he was so passionate about his causes. I learned more about alternative energy in five minutes than an hour-long documentary.” She gives me a thoughtful glance. “Is he as passionate about you?”

My gut takes a dive. “What do you mean?”

“He seems like a good match for the business. Some of his ideas seem a little futuristic but investors are pleased, and that’s important. But is he a good match for my creative, thoughtful, andpassionategranddaughter?”

I choose my words carefully. “We’re still growing as a couple.”

Grandma frowns. “I see.”

“Will you come to my wedding dress fitting?” I ask to steer the conversation away from this topic. “I, um, might need some moral support.”

A curious gleam fills her eyes. She cups my cheek and smiles. “Of course.”

Normally,Christmas Eve is my favorite day of the year, but I’m miserable. I haven’t been sleeping well, and the dark circles under my eyes are proof. My stomach feels like I’ve been eating rocks.

Mom calls from her closet, “Kirilee, help me with my zipper?”

I rise from where I’ve been waiting at the end of her bed so we can go down together for our annual family portrait.

Inside her spacious closet, Mom is facing the long mirror at the end, her forest-green evening gown gaping open in the back. I walk over and pinch the zipper at the bottom. Her spicy perfume filters into my senses. It brings me back to when I use to sneak into herbathroom to spray some on my wrists, just to feel close to her like I did when I was little.

I zip up the dress. The lines of almost invisible stitching on either side of the zipper tells me that she’s had this dress taken in, yet it’s loose. Has she lost even more weight since she had it altered?

“Are you doing okay, Mom?” I watch her face in the mirror.

There’s a flicker of vulnerability there, but she lifts her chin and smiles. “Of course. It’s Christmas Eve and both of my beautiful children are here to celebrate.”

I wish she would talk to me.

She turns, her eyes narrowing. “Let me fix those dark circles under your eyes.”

I let her lead me from the closet to the brightly lit bathroom counter. She retrieves several items from her vanity then hurries over.

“Look up,” she says.

I obey. She dabs concealer under my right eye.

“When did you know you loved Dad?” I ask.

She smooths the concealer with a foam wedge, dabbing and blending, her eyes focused on her task. “It was Christmas, actually. He’d been away for weeks, and he surprised me by coming home early. I felt complete in way I hadn’t before.”

My aching stomach twists.Felt complete. That’s her definition of love? “How long did it take?”

She dabs concealer under my left eye. “What do you mean?”

“From when you met him to that moment, how long did it take?”

She uses the foam wedge, dabbing and smoothing. Her subtle smile looks frozen. “Have faith, Kirilee. It’ll happen for you.”

---