Page 24 of Entwined Hearts

“Now that he’s gone, I realize how little space he took up in my life. Like he always knew it would be temporary.”

“That sucks,” I say, wincing.

“Yeah.” She unwraps her sweatshirt from her waist, then tugs it on. “I’m sure he’ll want to get back together at some point.”

My gut clenches, but I try to keep my voice neutral. “Why do you say that?”

She shrugs. “Because of the way he left. Because I think that’s just how he operates.” She leans back on her hands, gazing upward. “I’m not sure he’s capable of anything deeper than that.”

“And that’s okay with you?” I ask, unable to hold back my surprise.

“No,” she says. “But…I don’t know. We’re so close on some levels. Sometimes, it feels so brilliant, so pure. But then it’s like he goes somewhere else.” She glances over. “In his mind. Like he checks in for a while, then he’s not there. I guess I kept thinking that if I was good enough, he would…I don’t know,” she says, her voice anguished.

I’m not blind—I see how she’s blaming herself. It kills me. “That sounds like torture,” I say, my voice bitter. How can Jake hurt her like that? It makes me want to strangle him.

“What do you mean?” she asks.

“Youaregood enough,” I say. “You could be Brittany Spears, and he’d treat you the same way.”

“You’re comparing me to Brittany Spears?” she asks, looking appalled.

“She’s redone her look lately, and I hear she makes a mean beef casserole.”

A gust of laughter leaves her lips, and the sound of it rattles something loose inside my heart. I grimace because it’s not pleasant, and I don’t know why.

We both sip from our beers.

“I guess what I’m trying to say is that changing yourself to be what you think he wants is a waste of time.” This, I know, because I’ve tried it. “It doesn’t work. One day, you wake up and realize you have no idea who you are.”

Anya’s gaze is fixed on the horizon.

“I get you guys are great climbing partners. But take away climbing,” I say, shifting my knees to get more comfortable. “And what’s left?”

She looks surprised. “Jake will never stop climbing.”

“So, you’ll always be second in line, that’s what you’re saying.”

Anya closes her eyes. “I never really thought about it like that.”

Now I feel even shittier for putting this on her, but it’s true. “To be in a relationship, both people need to be on equal footing,” I say. Might as well go the whole enchilada.

“Surprising coming from you,” she says slyly.

I put on my Vegas singer’s face. “Lookin for love in all the wrong places,” I croon in my Jonny Lee cowboy twang. “Lookin for love in too many faces…” I continue, singing into my beer can.

Anya laughs.

“Are you going to show me all your secret spots tomorrow?” she asks.

Steady, ghost rider, I tell myself. “Maybe.”

Her eyes widen. “Maybe? What kind of friend are you, anyway?”

“Of course I’ll show you.” This would be the perfect moment to kiss her. Her eyes are dancing, her body relaxed, and her chin lifted partway. Instead, I swallow hard and focus on the lights of the valley. I’m not the man she deserves. Kissing will only lead to everything else, andeverything elseis where the trouble starts.

“Maybe we should get back,” she says with a shiver. “My butt is starting to hurt.”

I make a note to bring my foam mattress next time. “Yeah, mine too,” I say.

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