Page 53 of Yours

Even though I feel relief to have someone’s help, there’s this lingering distaste. Maybe it’s my friendship with Tiffany and Willow, who seem so shallow to me now, or that the other students in my classes seem so disinterested, as if college was a box they had to check. I want to be with people who love learning, who are pursuing their dreams.

I start to question why I came to this school. It’s hard at first, because I’ve been on this path for so long. But who am I her for? My dad? My mom? Those kids who used to tease me?

I don’t get a clear answer, but what happens is I start to think about what’s best forme.

I don’t see Cory for a few days, and when I do, he shoots me dagger eyes but does not touch me or speak to me. A huge weight feels lifted off my shoulders. Every now and then, I see Ellis, but I’ve gone back to being invisible. This hurts a little, but since it happened, I’ve realized that he’s just selfish, and I was naïve. I’m not the same person who slept with him, I’m stronger, more confident. Meanwhile, he’ll probably never grow up.

An idea starts to bloom in my head; a new dream. I research it for a week, calling the right people involved to see if it’s possible. It’s going to take some creative figuring, and help from my poetry professor, but she assures me she’ll do everything she can to help.

By the end of the third week, I’ve made up my mind. To pull this off, I had to write several essays, polish and submit collections of my poetry, talk to several financial aid counselors as well as all of my current professors. After pulling out all the stops, I feel more exhilarated and hopeful.

During my call to Brian that night, I’m practically bursting. “What are you doing this weekend?” I ask, trying to keep my voice neutral.

He talks about hanging out with Higgs, studying, the usual.

“How would you feel about a drive to Vermont?” I ask.

He hesitates. “Darce, as much as I miss you, I can’t just drive out there for two days.”

“I’m not talking about a visit,” I say.

“Babe, what’s this all about?” he asks.

I savor the triumph I feel in this moment before I say. “I’m transferring to the University of Michigan,” I say, biting my lip to keep from shrieking.

“What?” he says.

“It’s official,” I say. “My professor pulled a few strings. She knows their department head and explained my situation.”

“What is your situation, exactly?” he asks.

“That I don’t belong here,” I say.

“Darce, are you sure?”

I explain the situation with Cory and my so-called friends, how being back here has only shown me how much I don’t fit in. “They have a great poetry and creative writing program. Small, but their professors are great. I’ve already talked with two of them. The students form a cohort and they become a kind of community. That’s what I’ve been missing,” I explain. “I don’t want to be so alone anymore.”

“Ann Arbor is only a few hours from Willow Creek.”

“I know,” I say.

“We can see each other on weekends,” he adds.

“Or whenever we want,” I finish.

He sighs. “As much as I’m crazy about you being that close to home, that school you’re at now is an incredible opportunity.”

“And I’ve used it, truly I have. But I don’t need it anymore. I know where I belong.” I giggle because I’m so happy I could burst.

“Okay, then,” he says. I can practically feel his grin through the wires. “I’m on my way.”

Epilogue

Brian

The train’s whistle echoes through the forest as the engine leaves the station with a jolt. Darcy squeezes my hand, her eyes dancing. The conductor, a plump man in a red, silk vest has just explained a few of the particulars relating to our two-hour scenic journey up the Des Moines River Valley.

“Did you know that the engine actually doesn’t propel the locomotive?” I ask.

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