Page 49 of Yours

“Darcy,” she says, her worn face softening. Her eyes are framed by skin that looks too wrinkled for someone still so young.

“Can I get you a cup of coffee?” I ask, noticing that she’s not carrying a purse.

“Sure,” she says, and sits down. I go to the counter and order, adding two muffins because I get the feeling Silvia could use something to eat.

I return with the plate and her mug. “Do you need sugar? Cream?” I ask.

Silvia shakes her head. “Thank you,” she says.

I slide into my seat and wrap my hands around my mug again, inhaling the rich steam.

Silvia plucks a blueberry from her muffin and pops it thoughtfully between her teeth, almost toying with it before rolling it into her mouth.

“Thanks for coming,” I say.

“I almost didn’t,” she admits.

This tugs at my emotions, and I shift in my seat. “Why did you?” I ask.

She breathes in slowly, not making eye contact. After a shrug, she looks up. “I’m in…a program right now, and one of the things we’re supposed to do is apologize to people we’ve hurt.”

I take a gulp of air.

She’s back to fiddling with the edge of the napkin under her mug. “I figure this might be my one shot to spend time with you. To say what I need to say. If I didn’t show, I wouldn’t get the chance.”

I can feel my heart thumping into my belly, hard and fast like a drum.

Her hand extends across the table, and I feel her touch on my fingers. It makes me freeze. I look up and watch her face.

“What happened was never meant to affect you.”

My mouth can’t form words. I feel like the noises from the café have faded from my ears and there’s only the sound of her voice. I try to feel my feet on the ground, the chair against my back. Otherwise I’m afraid I might fly away and never come back.

“Were you…what they say?” I ask, but can’t finish because my mouth goes dry.

Silvia closes her eyes softly, her mouth forming a hard line. “I made some bad choices, Darcy,” she says.

I look at the fingers that are gripping mine and wonder what it would have been like if they’d held me as a baby. A sob breaks free, but I squash the ones that try to follow by looking out the window and blinking hard.

But I have to get this out. “Why didn’t you stay?” I ask, my voice a whisper.

Silvia looks pensive for a moment. “I tried, but I decided it was better for everyone if I left.”

“Because you were a slut?” The words shoot out before I can stop them, and I realize I’m shaking.

She slides her hands back, leaving my fingers feeling cold and dry. “I was doing the best I could at the time.”

“Well it wasn’t good enough!” I say, squeezing the mug so tight I’m afraid I’ll crush it. Quickly, I wipe my eyes.

“I know,” Silvia says in a flat tone. “But look at how well you’ve grown up,” she adds. “I always kept tabs on you, you know.”

I gaze at the ceiling. “Do you know how many birthdays I waited to hear from you? A card, a phone call?”

“My life was a mess, Darcy,” Silvia says. “Trust me, it was better that I stayed away.”

I close my eyes.

“I really am sorry,” she says.

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