Page 46 of Yours

I feel my dad’s concerned eyes watching me.

“Yeah,” I say, though I’m not entirely sure this is true.

Ido my best to not let Silvia’s visit shift the energy. It’s lovely to have attention from two adoring men, and the food and atmosphere make the time truly special. But in the back of my mind, I keep hearing Silvia’s voice and my dad’sthere’s nothing worth learning from her. This can’t be true, yet the idea that I could soon learn why she left, and why she lived the way she did, pulls at me, like in a book when the mystery is about to be solved and all the clues stack up to an answer you’ve been anticipating for hundreds of pages.

I’ve been waiting for answers for twenty-one years.

But what if the answers hurt more than her silence?

I go back and forth in my mind: meet her, don’t meet her. I imagine walking into the café and telling her to leave me alone, to never contact me again. But I can’t do it.

I worry about my dad. Will he take my meeting Silvia as a betrayal? He’s done his best to keep me safe all these years. He’s made so many sacrifices. What if I damage my relationship with Dad by starting a relationship with Silvia? I don’t want that—my dad is the most important person in my life, and I love him so much.

By the time we get to Brian’s truck my head is buzzing. I drank some wine with dinner, and the effect it had surprised me. I’m not usually a big drinker, but the buzz started to make my feelings about Silvia fade into the background. It felt good, and I had the craving to drink more, but there was only the one glass and I felt too shy to ask for another.

Brian lets go of my hand to unlock my door. “You okay?” he asks, glancing at me.

“Uh huh,” I say.

He leans to me for a kiss, and it’s suddenly easy to forget my thoughts. I kiss him back, my tongue swirling with his.

“Mmm,” Brian says, breaking away. “Let’s get you home.”

A craving rises through me like a flooding tide. “I don’t think I can wait,” I say, wanting him to keep kissing me, touching me.

He raises an eyebrow, then opens my door. “Get in,” he orders in a low voice.

I climb in while Brian moves to his side. Once he’s next to me we kiss again, his desire almost forceful, but this is exactly what I want. I want his wildness, his total abandon. Brian unzips my long coat and pulls it free. His lips crush mine, making me gasp.

My blood starts pounding, and I give into the feeling of wanting this, of the way it takes hold of me. Brian’s hand slides under my skirt, and I shiver with need. It’s like he can tell how much I want it because he tugs my skirt hem up and parts my knees, giving his fingers access to my sex. He groans as he caresses me over the fabric that’s already damp and sticky. I’m trembling, my entire being focused on wanting, so when he pulls my panties down, I gasp in desperation.

He glides his fingers down my slick folds, making me shudder. He swirls up and down, teasing my button which is already tingling. Meanwhile his kisses are stealing my breath, and it all starts to make the space around my head start to spin faster. Brian strokes me, his thick fingers getting so slick with my juices that I’m afraid I’m going to leave a puddle on his seat.

And then he slides inside me, and I start to come undone. It feels so raw and dirty and reckless, and I close my eyes and cry out into his mouth as my release breaks free. My hips are rocking with his thrusts, and I’m gripping the edge of the seat so hard my fingers hurt. By the time the tide of pleasure is fading, my thighs are limp.

Brian’s kisses soften, and I reach up to caress the back of his neck where his skin feels so warm.

“Now can I take you home?” he asks, grinning.

“Hurry,” I whimper, my legs still splayed open and my panties stretched between my thighs.

A look crosses his face I can’t read—like a mix of wonder and wild desire—and I love the way it lights up his eyes.

He tugs my panties up and my skirt down and kisses me one last time before starting the engine.

We don’t get to the end of the block before my hand is stroking up and down his thigh. By the time we reach his apartment I’m rubbing his bulge and enjoying the way it hardens even more with my touch. He parks the truck and turns to me, taking my face in his hands, his lips firm as his kisses devour me. I reach up and grab a fistful of his hair, desperate to hold onto something.

He pulls away, a wicked look in his eye, then slides out of the truck, pulling me with him. Grabbing my hand, he leads me to his door. I’m shivering—my coat is still in the truck—but I don’t care because my brain is high on the feeling zipping through my bloodstream. We pause to kiss again at his door while he fumbles with his keys. I grip his backside tightly and press my hips against his thigh. He groans, and the door pops open. Inside, he doesn’t bother to turn on the lights.

“I’ve imagined coming in your mouth right here,” he says, his voice like a low rumble.

I’m already unbuckling his belt. “Do you want me to?” I ask.

“No,” he says, and shuffles me to the couch.

I’m so high on this reckless feeling, of the lust coursing through my veins, that I start to shake. “Fuck me, Brian,” I say. “Please,” I add, almost begging.

Brian pulls off my sweater and yanks off his shirt, then turns me around. I feel his lips on my neck and shoulder, his mouth sucking on my skin while he pinches my nipples through the fabric of my bra. I whimper, my hands reaching back for him, to find something to grip.

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