Page 29 of Yours

Tiffany shrugs. “The directory?”

I wonder if we have a class together. He could easily be in my biology class. It’s bigger than my others.

“What should I say?”

“He’s cute,” Willow says, arching an eyebrow.

I get a funny feeling in my stomach.Maybe another time,I type.

Coffee later?he asks.

I’m torn. It feels a little bit good to get attention like this. I’ve been here two and a half years, and I’ve had exactly three dates, including Ellis.

Sure, I reply.It’s just coffee, I tell myself.

He sends me a time and place, and I give him a thumbs up.

“That was weird,” I say, finally unpacking my lunch.

A noise in the cafeteria line gets our attention and all of us look up to see Ellis, Brent, and one of their usual sidekicks laughing about something as they stand and pay for their food.

I look away before Ellis can see us.

“Whatever happened between you two?” Tiffany asks as they choose a table on the far end of the cafeteria.

“Nothing,” I reply. A sick feeling takes hold of my liver and spreads into my intestines.

Tiffany and Willow exchange a look, but it’s gone before I can identify it.

“What about you and Brent?” I ask.

She shrugs. “We hooked up at that party,” she says, spooning a bite of yogurt.

“Are you going to see him again?” I ask as the image of the two of them in the spare bedroom floods my mind.

Her brow puckers in a scorn. “No, why?”

“I just wondered if you talked about it or anything,” I say, pushing the rest of my lunch away. Something funny is happening to the space around my lungs because suddenly, I can’t breathe.

She looks at me like I’m an alien. “I knew it was just sex,” she says.

“Is that what you wanted?” I say.

“Of course,” Tiffany replies.

Two hours later, I’m standing in front of the café just off campus that everyone uses as a study hall most weekend mornings. For a Friday afternoon, it’s fairly empty. When Cory shows up, I recognize his face from my biology lab, but no other details arrive with it. He worked across from me the first two weeks of the quarter, but he never spoke to me.

His face brightens when he sees me. “Hey,” he says.

A weird feeling fills my lungs again, sort of like I can’t get a full breath. We go inside, and he pays for my coffee. We sit near the window, storing our backpacks on the floor next to our chairs.

Willow was right, he is cute, in a bookish kind of way. He’s got thin, brown hair trimmed short and a long face. When he smiles, a dark glint shines in his eyes that sort of makes my skin tingle, though I can’t decide if this is good or bad. After what happened with Ellis, I’m on guard. I don’t even really want to date anyone—or sleep with anyone either.

This, of course, makes me think of Brian and our phone call a few Sundays ago. I so wanted to tell him about Ellis, but knew that was wrong. I feel guilty for being with someone besides Brian, but then again, he and I didn’t make any plans to stay together. I know this is my fault for not bringing it up. There just didn’t seem to be the right moment. And Brian could be seeing a dozen other women by now.

What will it be like to see him at Christmas? I realize that our holiday break is only a weeks away. An agonizing burn seizes my insides. It’s like one side of me wants to see him, but the other is afraid that he won’t want me anymore.

Cory and I talk about school. He tells me he’s rebuilt three pinball machines in the basement of the house he shares with five other guys.

---