Page 38 of Hush

Ben sat in his car, his breath making a cold fog, his fingers gripped tightly on the wheel. What could he say?

She’s my cousin. She’s a work colleague. She’s a stranger, I was picking up something she dropped. She’s a patient.

No, no, no, he thought with disgust.Lies.

A gust of sadness tore at his chest, and he squeezed his eyes shut. He pictured Elise’s smile and the way he pressed her against his front door, the way her body melted to his touch.

He hadn’t connected to anyone like that in so long. He’d forgotten how good it felt to please someone, to explore and taste, and enjoy the sighs and moans. Since Ashley destroyed everything, he’d pushed his deepest desires away, not trusting himself. And then, he’d met Elise, sweet and fragile, fiercely protective of her son, so genuine it made him ache to simply just be around her.

But now it was all gone.

There was no way to repair this. The only way he could possibly explain it was to tell Elise the truth. But that would mean telling her everything, and then he would be right back where he started—a career in jeopardy, friends deserting him left and right.

Another thought rose to the surface, startling him. Ashley could certainly use Elise against him. She’d seen the whole thing go down at the restaurant. Jaden was technically still his patient.

Ben shook the steering wheel as an anguished roar filled the car.Dear God, he thought.She could destroy us both.

With a sob, he pulled out his phone and typed a single message to Elise.

I’m sorry

Chapter 16

Elise

Creeping out of Jaden’s room after soothing him to sleep for over an hour, Elise entered her bathroom and turned on the hot water. She felt almost as if she were floating, or possibly, her thoughts had simply shut down. But the ache in her heart told a different story. As she stepped under the water, her body began to shake with sudden sobs.

Using a bar of soap, she scrubbed every inch of her skin, going so far as to wash out her mouth and tongue. Anything that touched him must be purged, cleansed. She felt disgusting, broken, and furious, but, right now, it just hurt. So she cried and scrubbed until her skin was pink and tender and the water ran cold.

She climbed into bed, her forehead buzzing from the tears and what felt like a diffuse, detached kind of sensation. As if she were already trying to distance herself from what she’d seen at the restaurant: the look of surprise on Ben’s face, the sound of his voice calling out to her. What would he have said if he’d caught up to her in time? There was nothing to say.

How could this have happened to her again?Something must be wrong with me, she thought. It took Garrett four years to sleep around. It had taken Ben hours.

Elise closed her eyes, but the tears didn’t cease. Had everything up until last night all been some elaborate sham to get her into bed? Did he do this with other patients? The thought made her feel sick.

She allowed herself one last reliving of her afternoon and the way Ben had touched her, kissed her. He seemed to truly relish her pleasure, feed off it almost, making her feel totally free with a partner for the first time in her life. How could something so pure and wonderful be a lie?

* * *

Elise sat with Jaden rebuilding his electric train set, feeling like a zombie even after two cups of coffee. Her phone buzzed with a text from her sister. Ben’s unansweredI’m sorrytext hovered below Caitlin’s.

I’m bringing cinnamon rolls. Need anything else?

Elise inhaled a deep breath, letting it go slowly, but the ache burst into her throat anyway.

No

Elise dove for a tissue from the box she had been carrying around all morning and wiped her eyes, blew her nose, then added it to the pile in the wastebasket behind her.

“When can Ben come over again?” Jaden asked, pausing from his work. His glassy hazel eyes were filled with so much hope it broke her heart all over again.

“I don’t know,” she said.

Jaden returned to the pile of track he was disconnecting from an abandoned loop, but his brace was getting in the way.

“Would you like my help?” she asked.

Jaden nodded and shoved the pieces her way, then combed through the tub of more parts, searching.

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