Page 39 of Alien Haven

“I don’t give false compliments.” Typically gruff, he pulled a smile from her. “Does Ilid know?”

She shook her head. “I want him to, but it might not be safe for him, especially if I’ve been discovered by my father’s enemies.”

“Maybe. He’d probably welcome the opportunity to protect you. He strikes me as the type.”

She scowled. “Hey, no fair trying to distract me when I was attempting to do so to you. Make with the true confession, big man. What brought you to Haven to be helped by Clan Amgar? Why are you so afraid of getting close to people? Are you in hiding too?”

His silhouette turned slightly from her. Was it her imagination, or did his shoulders hunch? Was it defensive or from being ashamed?

“I’m not in hiding. I’m Nobek Detodev, farmhand on Haven. Nothing more. Why does it matter?”

“Because I trust you. I hope to earn the same from you.” When he failed to react, she spoke in a frustrated voice. “Look, you came running to my rescue. I realize it’s the warrior Nobek thing to do, but—”

“I’m not a warrior. I’m a pacifist.”

She stilled, confused. A pacifist Nobek? Wasn’t it a contradiction in terms? He’d looked far from peaceful when he’d raced into the barn to confront whomever had grabbed her in there. He’d appeared just as brutish when he’d emerged.

He had to be screwing with her…except a prankster Detodev was as unlikely as a non-violent Nobek when angered.

“I’ve never met a member of your breed who described himself in such terms,” she said.

“My breed is barely a step above primitive animals. Do you think the typical Nobek would admit it?” he muttered. “Cruelty is our nature. Most Nobeks hide behind excuses to indulge in it. A badge of protectiveness to pretend nobility in what we’d do anyway out of anger.”

Charity blinked. There was fury in his voice. And humiliation. He believed the words he spoke.

She heard pain too. An ocean of pain beneath the surface indignity.

“That’s quite the indictment, Detodev. Most Nobeks I’ve metarenoble.”

“You’d think so, wouldn’t you? They play the part so well. But there wasn’t an ounce of honor when I attacked my own mother and Nobek father at the mere age of four. My father still carries the scar I gave him. And over what? I was refused a treat. I wanted a damned tiky puff and went after my mother when she told me no. I was an animal from birth. I knew nothing but vicious drives.”

The self-loathing in his voice chilled her. Though she half-feared his reaction, she placed a hand on his arm. She felt the fine trembling, but he didn’t pull away.

Heartened, she soothed, “Children throw tantrums when they’re young. I threw fits even as a teen. Accidents happen.”

“It was no accident when I put an instructor at training camp in a coma. He damned near died when I lost control.”

“When you were four?” Charity couldn’t believe it.

“I was sixteen on that glorious occasion. I’d fucked up during an exercise since I was already disgusted by my urge to hurt others. I refused to spar hand-to-hand and defend my team’s position during the drill. It caused us to lose the battle simulation. My instructor was within his rights to punish me.”

“How? Did he hit you?”

Detodev barked a laugh possessing no humor. “He never had a chance to lay a hand on me. He only got as far as screaming in my face, and I…I lost it. It took half a dozen full-grown men to pull me off him. Even when I realized he was near death, all I could think was how I wanted to finish the job.”

He abruptly pulled loose of her hold. For a moment, she thought he’d stalk off. Instead, he rolled the three-quarter sleeve of his shirt up and shone a light on the inside of his arm.

A ladder of scars...scars on top of scars on top of more scars…climbed up to where his bunched sleeve began. It was only then Charity realized Detodev never wore sleeveless shirts as did many Nobeks, who were typically eager to show off battle scars.

“These didn’t come from others. These are from my own blade,” he rumbled.

“You’re a cutter?” She winced at her own surprised words, realizing how insulting she sounded. She stared at the tormented suggestion of his features, mostly hidden by the dark.

“It relieves the urge when I’m tempted to attack.” He twisted to face her full on, going as far as to bend so their noses were mere inches away. “I don’t want to be a monster, Charity. I don’t want to be a mindless beast who destroys people over a difference of opinion. I can be better than the breed I was born to. Which means I can’t be the Nobek potential clanmates or lovers expect me to be.”

“Detodev.” She grabbed his arm again and felt the raised proof of his anguish. So much pain. So much suffering. She spoke, her tone thick from feeling. “I don’t see any hint of such brutality from you.”

“You did when I ran in the barn. Seeing you frightened…if I’d caught your attacker, I might have torn him apart. Iwouldhave torn him apart.”

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