Page 153 of Alien Haven

Ilid’s anger and excitement at the threat O’Neal had posed ebbed as they trooped in Detodev’s home. In its wake came the memory of the shadow at the window.

He paused in the dining room’s doorway as the rest returned to the table and began cutting generous amounts of cheesecake. As usual, Charity and Mitag were full of chatter, praising the typically quiet Detodev for taking down the spy.

The Nobek’s demeanor was dark, however. At last, he broke into their compliments. “I could have killed him. It would havebeen easy. If Ilid hadn’t been there to talk me down, it might have gone badly.” He glanced at the Dramok. “I owe you thanks for helping me.”

“You were fine.” Ilid noted the hoarseness in his voice. “You stopped yourself before I said a word. I watched you do it.”

“You see?” Mitag insisted to the uncertain Nobek. “You aren’t the uncontrollable child any longer, Detodev. You’re a man in full command of his actions.”

“What I wanted to do though—”

“Hey, I was ready to cut his balls off,” Charity said. “I almost asked you to hold him there while I did so. We aren’t our urges, big man. Mastering ourselves is what counts. You did so.”

He was quiet as he considered. In the end, he seemed to take strength from her insistence. “Maybe. I still feel I owe you gratitude, Ilid. You cut through my anger and gave me a chance to think before I did anything.”

“As a good Dramok does,” Mitag said.

“A good Dramok?” Ilid shook his head. He brought his hands from behind his back to show them how violently they shook. “Does this look like the reaction of a real leader to you?”

“Ilid.” Charity hurried from the table and flung her arms around him. “Why didn’t you say you were so upset about the freak holding a blaster on us?”

“I’m not. I mean, yeah, learning he was armed was some bad shit, but it isn’t why I’m…fuck. Fuck!”

He gently pushed her away and stomped to the window. It was dark, a world of shadows beyond. He stared at the blackness and considered the monsters potentially lurking in it.

“I’ll never be free of them, will I?”

“Free of who?” Detodev’s voice was surprisingly gentle.

He swallowed. The rest had told their stories, and it was his turn. He’d recognized much of himself in Detodev’s tale. The difference was, the Nobek was true to his nature despitehimself, and he wasn’t as bestial as he feared. He only needed to recognize he had gained control of his urges since he’d gained maturity.

Ilid, however…he’d lost any claim to the Dramok mindset of unhesitating leader.

“I thought O’Neal was a Dark when I saw him through the window. I believed we were dead. Or worse.” His mouth was dry. Further words stuck in his throat. Remembering his first sight of the moving shadow sent his heart into overdrive. Dread of the horrors of the past and the terrors the future might hold filled him with his own darkness. He rasped, “Mitag, I can’t. Tell them.”

After a second’s hesitation, the Imdiko shared Ilid’s story as the young man stared through the window, unable to stop searching for movement in the formless night. Haven was secure for now…but could its authorities and their safeguards truly keep out the entities determined to strip their dimension of sentient life?

He noted how Mitag glossed over his stay in the psychiatric hospital. Ilid turned to the openly horrified Charity and Detodev to tell the story properly. “I wasn’t suffering from mere trauma I could talk through after I returned to Kalquor. I had a complete and total breakdown. I hallucinated the Darks everywhere. I relived the medical experiments I was put through without benefit of anesthesia. I screamed myself awake each and every night, soaked in sweat. At one point, I tried to kill myself. I couldn’t stand the idea of dragging my parents into my abyss too. I’m coping now, for the most part, but tonight showed me how uncertain my mental state remains. If I face the Darks again, I’ll probably fall apart. Anyone who’s in my life as a serious partner or clanmate…I’ll be useless to them.”

They gazed at him. Detodev, in recognition. Mitag’s sorrow for his suffering was obvious.

Charity appeared touched. She came to him and stopped just in reach, though she didn’t try to make contact. “Can I ask what would you have done if it had been a Dark outside rather than O’Neal?”

He blinked. “Huh?”

“When you believed there was a Dark ready to come at us, what were you going to do?”

“Grab you. I would have tossed you to Detodev and let you three run for help while I tried to keep it from you.” As if he could do anything else.

Mitag approached too. “In other words, you’d have been the leader sacrificing himself for the good of the rest. You had no intention of running and hiding, though it scared you. You don’t get more Dramok than that, Ilid.”

Ilid stared at him. Mitag thought he’d behaved as a Dramok should?

“He’s right.” Charity’s voice was soft and feeling filled her features.

Mitag’s regard went to Detodev. “While we’re pointing out the obvious, you couldn’t have been a more mature Nobek when you snuck outside to stop a blaster-carrying asshole. You held him and caused no serious injury. Instead of taking him apart, as many would have…as I wanted to…you waited for the authorities to sort out the situation. You were strong and upheld your vow to be a pacifist. You struck the perfect balance, Detodev. I could tell even Groteg was impressed.”

“I’d say you and Ilid have your shit together as far as your breeds dictate.” Charity smiled at the pair.

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