Page 121 of Alien Haven

“She’s an Earther. She doesn’t have the expectations our people do of a clan leader. I may fall short of what she wants, but it won’t be because I don’t fit a particular mold.” He looked away, unable to meet the gaze of Codab, a true Dramok.

“Ilid, you were strong when you had to be. You survived what no one else on your ship could. If yours isn’t the heart of a Dramok, then I have no idea what is.” His father’s voice was intense, as if he could etch the words on Ilid’s brain through sheer force.

“I fell apart on Kalquor. I tried to kill myself so you and the rest of my parents wouldn’t have to watch me scream and cry and break down. Now I’m hiding on Haven. How does any of it equate to the heart of a Dramok?” Ilid rubbed shaking hands over his face. “In the bar, I couldn’t stop looking for those damned Darks, though I’m certain they haven’t made it onto the planet. My mind insisted they were in every shadow. Detodev noticed, unsurprisingly. How could a Nobek miss my fear?”

“You were tortured by those things, my son. No man would escape such a situation and be unaffected for months or years afterward.”

“Or a lifetime. I can’t see a future where I’m unafraid.” His head bowed in shame.

Codab gripped his shoulder and squeezed, as if he could infuse his son with his own strength and make him the man he might never be. “The trauma is still fresh. You have to give yourself the opportunity to heal.”

“And if I don’t?”

“You will.” Codab’s tone held a certainty Ilid didn’t share. “For the present, Diju means well, but don’t let her worrying rush you into a relationship. As I said, you’re young. It’s early for you to be thinking about finding clanmates.”

“Mother doesn’t think so. She hasn’t heard the first real detail where Mitag and Detodev are concerned, and she already wants me to clan them and Jennifer.” As Ilid spoke, a jab of regret shot through his chest. The pain surprised him into thinking about such a scenario seriously.

It only lasted a moment. No, he didn’t know the two men he’d met at the bar well enough to consider such a future. What hurt was realizing he probably had no chance of clanning either of them even if they turned out to be perfect.

Diju would have been enthralled to realize Ilid had always considered the ultimate relationship to include a full clan. He’d wanted what his parents had: full commitment and regard and support for each other. They belonged to an era in which clanship was forever, and they’d committed to their arranged relationship fully. The old Ilid hadn’t been able to conceive of anything less than what they’d forged.

That had been before his capture by the Darks. Before his ability to function as a Dramok had been shattered by terror and helplessness.

“Your mother doesn’t necessarily wish you to clan tomorrow. She wants reassurance if and when we leave you on Haven, you’ll have the support of people who care for you,” Codab said.

“I can bake and hire help fine without lifelong companions.” Ilid managed a wry chuckle.

“You aren’t here merely to run a bakery and recover from what happened. You’re here to build a network of those you can count on when you need help in any area of your life. I’m talking aboutliving, my son. Really living. It’s time to move on from merely existing in the wake of what happened.”

“I wonder if I can.” He’d thought he was doing better. The constant search for living shadows in the bar that night, however…

“Making friends is part of it. Jennifer is a good start. Perhaps Mitag and Detodev will be men you can turn to, whether as eventual clanmates or merely friends.”

Codab made sense. Ilid was able to nod and agree with what he said. Friends would be wonderful. Perhaps Mitag and Detodev could fit as such.

But never clanmates. Ilid wasn’t Dramok enough for them, or any Kalquorians.

* * * *

Mitag lay still, recognizing the least twitch would wake the man curved along his back. He listened to the Nobek’s even breathing.

Despite the multiple releases he’d enjoyed during their romp, he couldn’t settle into slumber. He couldn’t calm the excitement keeping his brain avid long after Detodev had dropped off.

Detodev, Ilid, Jennifer. And Mitag. Nobek, Dramok, Matara, and Imdiko. An excellent setup for a traditional clan. It waseverything he wished for. Perfect, should the four of them fall in love.

If only Detodev weren’t so stubbornly distant. Ilid too. He showed signs of being nearly as bad. The Dramok’s was a warmer personality, and he was considerate to a fault. However, replaying the evening, Mitag realized Ilid had shared little of his past. Or himself.

What had Mitag learned of the Dramok? He was claustrophobic and wanted to run a bakery on his parents’ behalf. All other questions had been deflected. Ilid had managed conversation so well, Mitag hadn’t picked up on his full reticence until he’d thought it over.

Mitag had long wondered why Detodev resisted most attempts for closeness. It wasn’t only the Imdiko he fended off. Detodev was a solitary beast, except when sheer loneliness brought him to Mitag’s or the rare Earther woman’s bed.

Now Ilid. What had happened to make the two men so aloof? Or were they secretive? If so, what could they be hiding?

Maybe Jennifer’s heard the story on Ilid. He dotes on her. I wonder if he’s confided his past to her. She’s met his parents. She has to know the backstory.

Shewas an open book, at least. She’d laughed at the college prank responsible for bringing her to Haven, though she expressed regret at injuring her professor. She’d shared her positive impression of Clan Amgar and her decidedly less complimentary assessment of Haven. Which could be a problem where his hopes were concerned. Mitag and Detodev were firmly established in Sunrise. Ilid looked likely to stick around too.

If Ilid were to stay, if a romance could be sparked between the four, would Jennifer reconsider returning to the planet once she finished her interrupted studies? Mitag had the feeling to make such a scenario happen, Detodev and Ilid would have to crawl from behind their barricades. They’d have to open up.

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