Page 135 of Alien Haven

Charity blinked. There was fury in his voice. And humiliation. He believed the words he spoke.

She heard pain too. An ocean of pain beneath the surface indignity.

“That’s quite the indictment, Detodev. Most Nobeks I’ve metarenoble.”

“You’d think so, wouldn’t you? They play the part so well. But there wasn’t an ounce of honor when I attacked my own mother and Nobek father at the mere age of four. My father still carries the scar I gave him. And over what? I was refused a treat.I wanted a damned tiky puff and went after my mother when she told me no. I was an animal from birth. I knew nothing but vicious drives.”

The self-loathing in his voice chilled her. Though she half-feared his reaction, she placed a hand on his arm. She felt the fine trembling, but he didn’t pull away.

Heartened, she soothed, “Children throw tantrums when they’re young. I threw fits as a teen. Accidents happen.”

“It was no accident when I put an instructor at training camp in a coma. He damned near died when I lost control.”

“When you were four?” Charity couldn’t believe it.

“I was sixteen on that glorious occasion. I’d fucked up during an exercise since I was already disgusted by my urge to hurt others. I refused to spar hand-to-hand and defend my team’s position during the drill. It caused us to lose the battle simulation. My instructor was within his rights to punish me.”

“How? Did he hit you?”

Detodev barked a laugh possessing no humor. “He never had a chance to lay a hand on me. He only got as far as screaming in my face, and I…I lost it. It took half a dozen full-grown men to pull me off him. Even when I realized he was near death, all I could think was how I wanted to finish the job.”

He abruptly pulled loose of her hold. For a moment, she thought he’d stalk off. Instead, he rolled the three-quarter sleeve of his shirt up and shone a light on the inside of his arm.

A ladder of scars...scars on top of scars on top of scars…climbed up to where his bunched sleeve began. It was only then Charity realized Detodev never wore sleeveless shirts as did many Nobeks, who were typically eager to show off battle scars.

“These didn’t come from others. These are from my own blade,” he rumbled.

“You’re a cutter?” She winced at her own surprised words, realizing how insulting she sounded. She stared at the tormented suggestion of his features, mostly hidden by the dark.

“It relieves the urge when I’m tempted to attack.” He twisted to face her full on, going as far as to bend so their noses were mere inches away. “I don’t want to be a monster, Charity. I don’t want to be a mindless beast who destroys people over a difference of opinion. I can be better than the breed I was born to. Which means I can’t be the Nobek potential clanmates or lovers expect me to be.”

“Detodev.” She grabbed his arm again and felt the raised proof of his anguish. So much pain. So much suffering. She spoke, her tone thick from feeling. “I don’t see any hint of such brutality from you.”

“You did when I ran in the barn. Seeing you frightened…if I’d caught your attacker, I might have torn him apart. Iwouldhave torn him apart.”

“Why? We’re barely acquainted.” The words mocked her. She was protective of him too.

“I told you,” he said after a lengthy, uncertain pause. “I’m a Nobek. Violence is what my breed does.”

“You were violent when the tantrums of a toddler arrived. Earthers call it the ‘terrible twos,’ though it can go on for longer. Our children strike out as well. Then you were violent when you were an adolescent, cooking in hormones. From what I’ve heard, it isn’t uncommon for teen Nobeks to majorly lose their shit on a regular basis.”

“Which proves my point. We’re only beasts.”

“You know what? It can happen to Earther teens too. Even if they don’t get physical, they aren’t recognized for making good decisions during adolescence.”

“My breed is infamous for getting physical.”

She refused to give up. “Doesn’t the danger of losing control fade as Nobeks get older? Don’t the majority graduate from the training camps around eighteen, nineteen years old?”

“In any case, few of us put their trainers in the hospital.”

“It sounds to me as if your trainer failed to keep his wits about him, especially considering you were coming out of a training battle where your control had already been tested. If anyone was to blame, it was him.”

“You can’t excuse what I did. What I’m still capable of.” He straightened and looked away.

She kept going, as if he hadn’t spoken. “As for what you might have done today…well, I hope you care enough to defend a frightened woman who runs to you for help. A man should be enraged to see someone weaker victimized. I’d like it even more if you’d cared because it wasmewho’d been terrorized.”

Silence. She let the quiet stretch, so he could consider what she’d said.

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