Page 5 of Room One Hundred and Nineteen: Watching Her

It’s not?a voice whispered as I walked into the kitchen and smiled at my babies. Hadn’t I just inferred that same idea to my little sister about her and her three bosses before I made my way to the beach?

The kids were sitting down at the table that faced the small backyard and the water. They were talking on and on about the castle. I worked on lunch while my head filled with all thoughts Josh, Miles, and Rick.

What would they think if they knew the way I felt?

Would they be disgusted?Maybe intrigued?a voice whispered. I shook it away.

No. My three docs kept me up late at night a lot, when dirty fantasies came to life, and I had no idea where they came from. The idea of the three of them with me, touching me, loving me… I wiped the sweat from my forehead. I knew it had nothing to do with the slightly muggy ocean air outside or the heat wafting off the stove.

I needed to remind myself that the three men who plagued my thoughts and dreams were way out of my league. Even if by some weird miracle I had one night, that would be all it could be. I had a feeling that somehow, that would be worse than the place I was in now. Because then I would know.

I’d know what six hands touching me, loving me, cherishing me would feel like. What their appreciating gazes on my bare skin would feel like. They’d devour me until I was left a puddle of bliss. They would most certainly ruin me for everyone else. I’d never have a chance of moving on from an experience like that. One that would more than certainly remind me that I was more than a mom or nurse or sister, that I was also a woman.

No. There was no way I could ever suggest or hint at something like that.Ever.

Maybe if I didn’t have the responsibilities I had, I’d be brave enough take a leap of faith. I’d trust them to take care of me and scratch an itch. If all I had to worry about were myself, I wouldn’t be greedy and ask for more. I wouldn’t want forever with them.

I turned to look at my kids. Mike yawned. I knew I had to get lunch done quickly so I could get them down for a nap, or else they would really snooze out on me and wake up in the middle of the might wide awake and ready to party.

I hurried and plated the mac and cheese they liked and walked it over to them, ruffling the top of their hair before pressing a kiss on top of each of their little heads.

I was a mom.

I was doing this on my own, and that was okay.

My twins always came first.

There was no way I could ever ask or wish for a forever with three men like my sexy doctors. Nope. Men like them weren’t tied to anything or anyone. They wouldn’t know what to do with the twins. It wouldn’t be fair for me to even think about a forever with one, much less three of them.

No, I couldn’t ask for a forever. How would I even explain that to the kids? There was no way they would ever understand something like that. No way, no how.

I was a single mom of two kids. I had my hands more than full. I didn’t need to think about the doctors like that. I didn’t need to let my heart and mind wander and hope.

My twins came first. Always.

And as much as it sucked, I knew for my own sanity come Monday, I would need to start putting some space between me and the guys.

They weren’t mine.

They couldn’t be mine.

And when the day came that each of them found someone, I’d watch from the sidelines and silently wish nothing but the best for each of the three men who had somehow unexpectedly stormed into my life and stolen my heart.

2

DR. RICK MONTOYA

“She’s avoiding us,” I murmured and glanced at Miles, who was looking down at a chart next to me.

“I know.”

“And that doesn’t bother you?” I asked. It’d been a week since she had taken up Josh’s offer to use the beach house. And a week of her avoiding being alone with us or even speaking to us.

“Maybe the kids broke something, and she thinks we’ll be pissed?”

“Hmm…” I muttered under my breath, not liking his assumption. “If that’s the case, that means she thinks we’re dicks like her ex.”

“No.” He shook his head. “Because assuming makes and ass out of you and––“

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