Page 50 of Room One Hundred and Nineteen: Watching Her

“I don’t understand,” I whispered.

“We want you to move in with us,” Josh clarified.

My mouth opened and shut. Their words, god, their beautiful words processed slowly in my head. Each sweet thing they’d said crumbling whatever walls were left around my heart.

“I love you,” I whispered. “I’m sorry I haven’t said it before but—" And that was all I could get out before I crumbled like a piece of paper and started to sob.

It hurt yet felt good to let it out. I might have been on Josh’s lap, but the other two moved in close. With their hands on me, I felt anchored. Secure. Fear and anxiety trickled out of me with every tear I shed. The doubt of whether the four of us could make this thing work, what people might say, all of it left my body. In its place was a serene, content calm. I knew it was complicated. But that was life. Some people in our lives might not ever understand, but that didn’t matter. Nothing but the kids and my doctors mattered. We as a family mattered.

“I love you guys,” I sniffled. “I’m sorry for making a mess of your shirt.” I patted the dress shirt Josh wore and then looked around, noticing the three of them were in crisp white dress shirts and ties. “Do you guys have a meeting?” I asked through my sniffle, and Rick chuckled.

“You just told us you love us for the first time, and you’re concerned about a meeting, baby?”

“No, I mean… I suck at this.”

“No, you don’t.” Miles smiled gently.

“You are always in scrubs,” I reminded them. “That’s why I was—“ I studied the space around us more closely and blinked. The conference rooms were usually empty of everything, and certainly of any kind of decorations. There was a big bunch of red roses, bigger than anything I had ever seen in real life, and sitting next to it was a cute little teddy bear off to the side.

“Wait… what’s…” My voice drifted to nothing when not only Rick stood up, but Miles did, too. And then Josh stood with me in his arms before setting my feet on the ground.

“We thought about all the ways to do this.””

“Wait, you guys?—“

“We want you to live with us,” Rick said.

“You and the kids,” Josh made sure to add. My lips twitched.

“This is really sweet, but I can’t live with you.” I shook my head.

“What?”

“I mean, I love you three. I love you so much. I don’t have the words, but… I wake up happy. I wake up with a smile on my face knowing I get to see you or talk to you. Even if it’s only in passing at work or when you guys come to the kids’ soccer practices.”

“Baby—“

“It’s not me being safe. I’m not— I need you to know that I’m not being closed off. This isn’t that.”

“Then what is it?” Josh asked, tipping my head up.

The three men were standing shoulder to shoulder. God, they were beautiful. The living, breathing embodiment of masculine beauty. Each different in their own way. Light, dark. Sarcastic, sweet. Funny, intense.

And mine.

I was being the world’s biggest idiot by saying I couldn’t move in with them. The house they shared was four times the size of mine. The kids loved it when we went over.

“When I was with my ex, I moved in with him, and then we got married.”

“We know that,” Miles mumbled.

“But what you don’t know is we got married because I got pregnant. After he walked off and I started my life over again, I told myself I wouldn’t date ever again, and if I did by somemiracle find someone who could deal with my cold, mean girl side?—“

“You’re not mean,” Rick jumped in.

“You’re tough,” Miles clarified.

“And that makes it a world of a difference, baby,” Josh added.

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