Page 84 of Beast: Part Two

Levels Out

Summer

Ihold on to Gabriel until I hear the soft click of my bedroom door. Even then, I don’t let him go as he carries me over to the bed.

He places me on my feet and pulls away from me, cupping my face in his large hands. His green gaze roams all over my face. When his eyes lands on my neck, he looks disgusted.

Look, I won’t lie as if that wasn’t the scariest thing that has ever happened to me. Even the time he lost control back at my house, it wasn’t as terrifying as this. He looked deranged, evil almost, as he told me how much he wanted to kill me.

However, I hide that fear. Tuck it down inside me. Now was not the right time to bring it up.

Gabriel leans his forehead to mine. He takes a deep breath and blows it out before placing a kiss where his head once was.

He lets me go and steps away.

“I’m going to finish this mission with my brothers and Priest and then I will disappear for good. You and Gabe will always be taken care of. And you don’t have to—”

I cut him off with a belly laugh. I don’t know what’s so funny, but I laugh. I laugh until my laughter turns into tears.

“Summer,” he calls my name and tries to reach for me, but I step away.

“I have got the be the dumbest person in the world,” I tell him. His gaze narrows and his brow pinches. “I mean here I am trying to hold back my feelings and emotions after being nearly killed and you can stand in my face and tell me you want to leave. Everyone was right.”

“Did you not hear what they just said? I am a defect. I have a disorder.”

“And you think because they gave it a name, it changes anything?”

I won’t lie. Hearing Priest tell me his diagnosis was scary. Hearing words like schizoid, schizotypal, and sociopath aren’t easy to digest. Hell, they are downright the things of nightmares.

But giving his condition a name doesn’t change how I feel. I loved him when it was just his mother’s voice in his head. I loved him when we thought it was autism that had him void of emotions sometimes. I loved him even though I watched him beat a man with a hatchet, stab my ex, and shot gambler. I loved him when there was no diagnosis. Giving his condition a label does not change the love.

“I am not safe. Why don’t you understand that? No one around me is safe when I don’t know what’s real and what isn’t. I’m fighting voices in my head,” he roars.

“And I’m fighting them with you,” I shout.

He grabs the back of his head and looks up at the ceiling.

“Look at me, Gabriel?” he shakes his head, refusing to look at me. “Look at me,” I demand.

When he lowers his head, his eyes are red, and tears linger on the lids.

“I have been choked, cursed out, and threatened by you,” he turns away, but I continue on.

He needed to hear this. I finally fully grasp what Priest said to me that day in the kitchen. By holding back how I felt about the things Gabriel was doing made him think he had to walk oneggshells with me. If he never knew how I was feeling, then he would never know that I can accept him for who he is.

“There are times you scare the hell out of me. I’m not afraid to admit, there are moments I am terrified of you.” The tears he was holding falls down his cheeks.

“But even in those times, I never question if I want to be with you. Your diagnoses do not change how I feel about you. They do not make me want you any less. I will stand up to every voice in your head. I will battle them for you until I take my last breath. But I will not fight you to love you. I will no longer beg you to stay if you don’t want to. You can leave.” I hold my hands out at my side.

“I love you,” he growls.

“I’m not questioning your love. I am simply asking you if you will stay.”

I realized the night we had sex and his eyes spoke volumes of his love for me, that love was not our issue. It is and will always be Gabriel’s urge and desire to run from us.

He shakes his head. “It’s not that simple. I will die for you. I will kill anyone—”

“You were killing before you met me, and you will kill after I’m gone. That isn’t the flex that you think it is. My question is simple, Gabriel. Will. You. Stay for me?”

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