Page 11 of Always the Baker

Ember popped a piece of sushi in her mouth and chewed as if the raw salmon was the best thing she’d tasted in her life.

“Look, you’ve wanted this your whole life,” she said after swallowing. “And it’s just a visit, not a permanent move. Live a little, Billie!” Ember said the words as if she knew my mind had taken me back to my choice to go.

Her words hit me like a jolt of electricity. She was right. What was I so afraid of?

“You know what? Screw it,” I said, grabbing my purse. “I’m going.”

Ember’s eyes widened. “Wait, now? We haven’t even finished our…”

“No time!” I called over my shoulder, already halfway to the door. “I’ve got a bag to pack!”

“Hey! Don’t think I didn’t notice you ditched me with the bill.”

A giggle escaped me as I promised to pay for our next lunch.

I raced home. My heart pounded with a mix of so many different emotions attached to the thoughts in my mind. Clothes flew into my suitcase as I imagined myself strolling down the city streets, sketchbook in hand. Regardless of whether I drew the city, the people, or cakes, I could feel in my bones that this tripwould be inspirational for me. For once, I didn’t overthink it. I just packed.

I woke up Friday morning,still motivated to go on the trip. It felt like butterflies were doing the cha-cha in my stomach. Since I would be gone, I spent the night at my parents’ place. I tiptoed past my parents’ room as guilt and excitement warred in my chest.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, leaving a note on the kitchen counter. “I’ll make it up to you both.” The note didn’t go into detail about me leaving for the weekend, but it did tell them that I’d be unavailable and to call Em if they needed help.

As I climbed into my car, my hands shook. My phone started to vibrate, and I hit the button to answer the call via Bluetooth.

“Oh my God, Ember,” I said, buckling up as her soft voice giggled and vibrated through the car. “I can’t believe I’m doing this.”

Ember released an airy sigh. “Believe it, girl. Big city, here you come!”

I raced out of my hometown, leaving behind a trail of dust and so many weighty expectations. I watched familiar landmarks pass me by, and my heart raced faster with each mile. Even with me reminding myself this was just for a weekend, it felt like something that would have permanent changes. Even if they were just within me, I trusted they would be worth it. The thrill of doing this without my parents knowing held a different space in my heart filled with conflict, but I didn’t want their worrying to soil this moment for me. I needed it to remain mine… remain sacred.

“You okay?” Ember asked as I changed lanes to move around a car going thirty miles under the speed limit. Normally I wouldn’t care about the slow driving, but not today. Today, I had somewhere to be.

I nodded as a giddy laugh escaped me. “I think I’m trying to keep myself from having a panic attack, but I also feel like I’m having the time of my life.”

“That’s the spirit!” She was always so supportive. “I’m so proud of you for doing this for yourself. At no point this weekend do I want you to forget you deserve it, baby!”

As I watched the signs begin to tell me the exit for Jasper Lane was getting closer, I felt the weight of responsibility lifting. For one weekend, I wasn’t Billie Hopkins, the small town graphic designer who baked wedding cakes on the side. I was just Billie, an artist and dreamer, ready to take on the world.

Or at least, a slightly bigger part of it.

The skyline appeared on the horizon, looking like a jagged silhouette within the morning sky. My breath caught in my throat.

“Ember?” I called quietly as my eyes watered. Swallowing back the tears, I gripped the steering wheel tighter. “I wish you could see this. It feels like the first time I’ve ever seen the sun rise.” I craned my head to look up through the top of the windshield, basking in the sight.

“Isn’t it crazy how a different perception can change your view of something you’ve seen a million times?”

We continued to talk for the entire drive from Jasper Lane to Rose Valley Hills, and I was grateful for the distraction. I hated driving for long distances because it was so boring and often hard for me to not daydream.

I couldn’t stop grinning as I entered the city. Towering skyscrapers reached for the clouds as their glass windows mirrored the sun. My fingersitchedfor my sketchbook. It wasmy first view of The Hills, and it was one worthy of being captured.

“It’s like… a forest of buildings,” I mumbled. “I’ve never seen buildings this many in number… this huge.”

Ember chuckled. “A concrete jungle, yeah. Much different from our cornfields and dirt roads, huh?”

I nodded, speechless. I merged onto a busy highway, surrounded by a sea of cars. My heart raced with each honk and lane change. They reminded me of Chicago drivers who honked for no reason really. I’d gone there once, for two days, and my anxiety had been through the roof.

“Sheesh, everyone’s in such a hurry,” I said, gripping the steering wheel.

“City life, Bill. You’ll get used to it.”

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