Page 52 of Fate's Unseen Shadow

He returned to her side, then tugged at the hem of the shirt. “This is a disappointing development.”

“Well, if we aren’t having sex, I’m going to keep it on to avoid the temptation.”

“I can control myself.”

“I”—she kissed his cheek—“cannot.” She walked into the bathroom.

After another tour around the apartment, double-checking the locks, he met her back in the bedroom. She slipped out of her shorts before crawling into bed.

“I like the optional pants rule you added.” When he laid down, she rolled to him, using his arm as her pillow like she’d done before that entire episode. “Welcome back.”

She snuggled closer. “Thanks.” After a deep sigh and a long moment of silence, Ella lifted her head. “Can I ask you something?”

“Is it about having sex?”

“No. Very much the opposite. You mentioned before that you don’t carry a gun.”

That had come from left field. “Odd topic to jump to after what we did.”

“I was curious when you first said it. Why?”

Damon kissed the top of her head. “It’s not exactly a bedtime story, Ella.”

“Please?” She threw her leg across his thighs. “I’m not letting you up until you tell me.”

“I’m not trying to get up, but if you want to know, I can tell you.” Grabbing a hold of her thigh, he took a deep breath. “I don’t carry a gun because I never want to fire one again.” He adjusted his hand, anchoring himself. “The last time I fired one, I shot a man between the eyes.”

Her breath caught.

Damon waited for some verbal response, but none came. “It was our last mission—the one I mentioned where we lost two men. Xavier and I ended up as the last men standing. We were attacked. I did what I was trained to do. But before, when I killed someone, it was a killed-or-be-killed situation. I didn’t focus on them, the person. I know it sounds callous, and I don’t mean to make it sound like I don’t value life, but you’re on autopilot. Shoot combatants, clear the area, move.” He took a deep breath, the images replaying no matter how much he wished they wouldn’t. “But I killed more men that day than I can count, trying to fight my way out of the shit we’d known waited for us. We were initially separated, but I turned back for Xavier when I cleared my room. A man, screaming in a language I couldn’t speak, grabbed him from behind.”

Ella flattened her hand on his chest.

“The man kept screaming at me, that gun pressing harder and harder against Xavier’s temple.” He huffed. “And Xavier kept saying ‘do it’ over and over. Calm. I was at least forty yardsaway. I knew I was reliable up to thirty with my pistol. So forty…that’s a long distance to shoot quickly and under pressure with that man screaming and his head right beside Xavier’s. That’s a two-inch target to make sure I hit to kill. Zero room for error. And I talk about not worrying about what-if situations.” He scoffed. “The what-if in that is what if I miss and kill my best friend.”

She ducked her head, nuzzling against his shoulder. “But you didn’t.”

“No, I saved him. Shot the man right there.” And watched the life drain out of his eyes. “He was the last one. The four of us killed sixteen. And shooting that one man, watching him watch me kill him, switched something off inside. I wasn’t the same. I tell people I left because of the lack of trust, but I’m not sure I could have gone on another deployment.” He kissed the top of her head again. “Is that enough?”

“Yes. I’m so sorry you went through that. But I’m glad you were there for Xavier.” She yawned. “And I’m glad you’re here for me.”

He rolled over and wrapped her up, pulling her bottom tight to his lap. “Time to sleep.”

“Can I stay with you tomorrow?” She interlaced her fingers with his. “And the next?”

She fit.

God, she fit so well right here. The shocking realization of how quickly their relationship had fallen into place gave him a moment of pause.

“Or not,” she murmured.

He tightened his arm. “Yes. You’re going to stay with me tomorrow.”

“And the next?”

Closing his eyes, he pushed away the reluctance to get attached. “Until you decide to leave.”

With a heavy sigh, her body relaxed. “I won’t.” In only a few seconds, before he had a chance to ask what that meant, Ella fell asleep.

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