Page 74 of Merry Kissmas

“You don’t have to get my family anything.”

“I do.You can help me pick out some things.”

“Spending other people’s money?Sign me up.”She laughs and drags me into the first store we come across.

We end up browsing through the place.I pick up a snow globe and shake it around before setting it down.

“Don’t you love those?”Brynn picks one up and shakes it, watching the snow whirl around the slopes of Utah in the glass dome.Her smile reminds me of myself so many years ago.

It feels as if there’s a pit in my stomach.

“They’re okay,” I say, moving on to look at funny signs about skiers versus snowboarders.

“Hey…” She comes over to me, linking her arm through mine.“I feel like I’m missing something here.”

I shrug, not wanting to ruin our day by dumping another shit story at her feet.“It’s nothing.You should get one if you love them.Actually, let me.”I start to walk over to the snow globes, but she doesn’t budge.

“Pierce?”

I blow out a breath and stare at the table filled with what I thought at one point were magic globes.I turn back around to face her.

“It’s nothing.”I shake my head, but she tilts her head, clearly waiting for me to say more.“Want to walk for a minute?”

She nods.We leave the store, and once we’re a ways away from it, I turn to her.

“My mum loved snow globes and used to put them out at Christmas.We would shake them all really fast, making a game of it, and pick the one where we thought the snow would fall the fastest.If I picked right, I got a Christmas cookie.”

How can the memories of her and my dad still pierce my heart like the day I found out they died?People told me that over time my memories would turn happy, but for me, that hasn’t happened.I’m still bitter that they were taken from me.

“That’s so sweet.”She lifts on the balls of her feet and kisses me.Her nose is chilled from the weather.“What happened to them?”

Here comes the bad part, so I look at her, wanting to warn her that this will hurt.“I was allowed to keep one after they died.I picked this one my mum and I bought the Christmas before they died.It was supposed to be the North Pole.That was the year I stopped believing and told her as much.She picked it out and said that if Santa wasn’t real, then how were people able to design a globe with the North Pole inside like they did for all the other cities in the world.I played her game because I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, and it seemed really important to her that I believe still.

“I used to lie in my bed at boarding school and shake it, and her words would repeat in my head.It would take me back to that moment, and I would feel her with me.”

She wraps her arms around my middle, and I kiss the top of her head.I feel as if I’m back in therapy, but I don’t want anything to come between us.In this relationship, I’m the one carrying all the baggage.

“Do you still have it?”she whispers.

“No.”My voice is hoarse.

“Why not?”

I swallow the lump in my throat.“Well, Tommy McDonald.”

She draws back.“Do I need to kick his ass?”

I chuckle.“No.He was a bully and an asshole and is probably in debt now after spending all his trust fund.”

“What did he do?”

I tighten my arms around her.“Smashed it.”

She gasps.“Why?”

“Because he knew it was important to me.”

“Yeah, but why did he bully you?”

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