Page 28 of Smoke Season

Vivian swallowed but stood her ground. “I followed you down here because I want to knowyourplan, not that blowhard’s.”

True looked up. The betrayal she expected to see on Vivian’s face was there all right, but something lay beneath it, underneath her concern for Emmett’s safety. What, though, True couldn’t quite put a finger on.

“I want my money’s worth out of this trip as much as he thinks you do,” Vivian continued, “but is he right about the shuttles? Will they stop coming?”

The handful of private operations that made a killing off the rafting companies, running shuttle vans back and forth from Carbon to Temple Bar on the very same road the Martins planned to navigate, were a no-nonsense, tough-as-nails crew, all ex-loggers and ballsy college kids not easily scared off. But even they would hang up their car keys if the river road closed and the canyon evacuated.

“Probably,” True admitted. She forced herself to say the right thing. “You and Emmett should leave with the Martins.”

Admitting this left her hollow inside, a sense of aloneness she usually didn’t notice rattling around inside her, making her ache. The disappointment reached deep, but as loath as she was to see them go, getting them stranded would only make everything far worse.

“Leave without you? Why?” Vivian said sharply, a sentiment echoed immediately by Emmett.

“Yeah, why don’t you come, too, True?”

Because my loyalty lies elsewhere.But God help True, this sentiment was feeling less true every hour she knew Vivian and Emmett. “There’s one other option,” she hedged, “but it’s not much better.” She waited for Vivian to nod her approval for her to continue. “We can push for Temple today, together, while the shuttles are still running.”

Arriving three days early would be bad, but surely not as bad as not getting there at all.Never return with the cash,John had told her. He was always being watched.Never bring it around Carbon.

“Isn’t that too far to go in one day?” Vivian asked, her brow knit in a concern True feared she didn’t deserve.

Yes, but what choice did she have? “I can handle it,” she answered, in the direction of the raft. Vivian was getting too good at reading the doubt on True’s face.

“But wait, so it’s still going to be over?” Emmett asked, his shoulders slumping. This touched True. And maybe she was wrong, but Vivian also had a look of disappointment about her, like she, too, was reluctant to cut their time short, prudent or no.

True got on the sat phone, placing a request for a late-evening shuttle pickup. The swing-shift operator at Rapid Shuttle, a college kid she didn’t know as well as the old-timers, confirmed Henry’s prediction. Tonight’s run could be their last for the week.

“Good call, then,” Vivian said, and a swell of gladness rose in True’s gut at earning back at least a portion of the woman’s respect in her leadership skills.I’ll keep working to earn back the rest,she thought, surprising herself again. Could she? And did she really want to? She hadn’t risked making this much effort with a woman since her Paddle, Inc., days with Mel.

And look how that turned out,her brain supplied.

She chastised herself for this thought, wondering when she’d become so bitter. Obviously, her feelings for Mel hadn’t served her, but she had the most meaningful friendships of her life with the Bishops to show for it. But Astor and Annie were not True’s kids, were they, no matter how involved she was in their lives. And Mel wasn’t hers to love, no matter how loyal her devotion. True figured she’d made her peace regarding the former ... Maybe kids just weren’t in the cards. But the latter? Having a front-row seat to something just out of reach had made True feel frustratingly stuck, like when her raft got caught in a tributarystream parallel to, but not in, the flow of the rapids. She’d made it a point not to let it happen again.

Which had her looking at Vivian again, her thoughts stalled in this unfamiliar landscape, as she gathered her oars in her callused hands. The Wus assumed their positions on the oar raft, Emmett moving so reluctantly he lost his favored position next to True to his mother.

“At least you’ll be sleeping in a bed tonight,” True offered with a tight smile, pleased when Vivian didn’t look cheered by this prospect.

“I was just getting used to those squeezy mummy bags,” Emmett contributed.

Back on the water, True’s heavy oar dipped and rose, dipped and rose in a steady rhythm, each slice into the slow-moving Outlaw cutting the flat water in time with the groan of the oars against the oar locks. Vivian napped at the stern, her mood still uncharacteristically low, her crisp white Columbia sun hat set atop her face as a makeshift smoke mask.

Lacking entertainment from the adults, Emmett absently picked through a baggie of trail mix, sorting out varying colors of M&M’s. He lined up a row of them on the outer tube of the raft, the red and blue candy shells contrasting with the yellow of the thick vinyl. With one finger, he moved them along like cars, amusing himself when one slid off the side of the boat into the water.

“Buh-bye, fishy snack,” he called after it, already moving the next M&M “car” up in line.

True stared beyond him at the water. Each rotation of her shoulders sent a burning sensation through her body, and with Wonderland Lodge now at their backs, it was better to focus on the pain than to think about what lay ahead. She wished once again that those damned nerves would settle in her stomach. Instead, they just kept arising with each oar stroke, mixing in a nauseating gut twist with her newfound desire to explore more with Vivian. Even if such a thing was still more of an abstract brain exercise than an actual possibility, it messed with her head.

But it was preferable to thinking about the roll of bills hidden in her steel ammo box under her seat. The parking lot, boat ramp, and pit toilet of Temple Bar—the extent of its nod to civilization—would be empty tonight, in the dark. Arriving so early, she couldn’t hold out much hope that Fallows’s contact would be there to relieve her of the illicit cash that still felt like it might burn a hole in the bottom of the boat. She nearly ran them all aground on an easy-to-read sandbar, trying to decide what the fuck she would do with this week’s contraband delivery.

In her haste to course-correct, the raft jerked sideways, nearly taking Vivian into the water.Shit!She managed to right herself but lost her hat in the process. True turned to catch sight of her bent over the tube, trying to fish it out of the river, where it rapidly sank in a glowing disk of white canvas. Muttering a second curse under her breath, True dug in deep with her right oar, swiveling the nose of the raft 90 degrees before leaning forward and scooping up the soaked hat with the flat side of her oar.

“Thank you, True.” Vivian smiled.

“No problem.”It’s the least I can do, considering you’re currently associating with what can only essentially be called a criminal.

Their fingers touched as True handed back the hat, and Vivian didn’t instantly pull away. But along with inciting a quick trill of attraction through her, the touch made True realize how thoroughly this fire and, even before that, True’s errand for the Fallowses had robbed her of any real chance she had to share something meaningful with her. What happened to running the Outlaw for the sheer joy of making connections that could transcend the water and of introducing the wilderness she loved to new people? What happened to TrueBlue? It was stunning, she thought, how one could lose all sense of pride and purpose in one’s work in just a single season. It left her with more respect for Emmett than ever, she decided, forced into an identity which hadn’t served him. Her momentary disorientation was nothing compared to the incongruity he’d endured in his young life.

CHAPTER 15

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