Page 94 of Sick Bargain

“This is a human brain. And this is a mapping video showing real-time blood flow to certain areas of the brain.”

“I’m not a fucking doctor. I don’t know what this shit means, so fuck off.”

“I have a point. I promise.” He uses a goddamn laser pointer, of all things, to highlight a section of the brain. “This is the limbic amygdala and the frontal cortex. And since you’re not a fucking doctor and I won’t fuck off, I’ll just say that this particular activity map shows less connectivity between these two parts.”

“Don’t care.”

“Now, mind you, there haven’t been a lot of studies done because the criteria are hard to meet, but listen to this. In a normal person, the connectivity between these two parts differs significantly from this one. It’s not regulating circuitry correctly, if that makes sense.”

“It doesn’t, and I still don’t care.”

“Ah, but you will.”

“Why? Is it my brain?”

Axel’s pretty smile comes back. “Basically, when these two sections aren’t functioning as well as they should be, the patient would have a much more difficult time regulating emotions. Actually, it can cause quite extreme emotional pain.”

I stare at the screen, unseeing.

“As in, the kind of emotional pain and lack of emotional regulation that could, perhaps, lead to suicide.”

My eyes flick to him. My body gets hot. Exhaustion tries to win, but alertness takes over.

“A suicide curse might not be real, Krypt, but brain matter doesn’t lie.”

I stand, grabbing the edge of the couch to stay upright. I haven’t uttered a single word about Remiel, but he knows.

“I had his mother slice him so I could stitch it up and… have him for a bit. I know you assume I put a chip in his brain, but I didn’t, as these scans prove. I wanted to study his brain, like I’ve studied many of the Sauder males’ brains. As you see, Remiel, much like his brothers and many of his relatives, has noticeablyless functionality in this part of his brain. The curse isn’t real, but the genetic makeup is.”

Is that why Director looked at his brain scan and lied about it? Does he know? How would Director know from a still image when this one sparks and moves?

“The good news,” Axel goes on, “is that we can improve some of his regulatory responses with medication. There’s no cure for this since it isn’t technically anything diagnosable, but we can aid him in how he manages extreme emotions. This is my act of good faith. I am not your enemy,” he repeats.

I am Krypt, the Vile Boy. I don’t know how to react to situations with anything other than rage or violence. I don’t know how to be relieved without thinking he has an ulterior motive. Is this something I can protect Remiel from, or is Axel going to use the one man I need as motivation to get me to do what he needs me to do?

I’m broken. Caught somewhere between wanting to give up and never wanting to stop fighting. The problem is that I don’t understand what I’m fighting against. There is no clear enemy. Axel says he’s not my enemy, and he’s showing me something to help Remiel, yet I’m locked in his bunker, undergoing manipulative brainwashing. He’s using me to perfect his methods, but do I have a right to be pissed off about that when I did the same thing to Remiel?

I used him. Took him as my own, made him rely on me, and then left him. Axel Graves is not inherently different from me; we just have different needs and interests. But we still go about getting what we want the same way.

“I found these in your pocket,” he says, holding up a small stack of my calling cards. “I’d like you to write out two of them. One to Remiel Sauder to let him know you’re okay. He’s been suffering and trying to find you. And the other to Director. I think it’s time we all come to an… arrangement.”

He’s been trying to find you.

Does that mean he’s still mine even though I set him free?

I can’t stop looking at the brain map. “What medication?” I don’t take the calling cards. There’s a small part of me that respects him for not writing the messages himself. He has the cards. He could have sent one to Remiel and Director on his own.

“We can experiment safely. Director is better at pharmaceuticals. Mostly, medications for bipolar disorder, anxiety, and depression will be our starting point. Perhaps even some antipsychotics. Rest assured, it will be done safely and with Remiel’s consent.”

“Remi,” I correct him. I’m the only one who gets to use his full name.

Axel smiles at me, and I’m struck once again by how pretty it is. Pretty, but entirely unappealing. “Might you help me bridge this gap between my organization and yours?”

Axel Graves and Vile House.

“To protect Moros?”

“To protect Moros.”

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