Page 63 of Sick Bargain

Am I important to you?

He couldn’t even answer, and in the blink of an eye, that spreading poison dripped into every fissure of my brain and spread through my bloodstream.

I swallowed the pill because if I’m not important, there’s no point anymore. That’s what my poisoned mind told me.

I just wanted to scare him. Force him to tell me how he feels about me.

I felt weird less than a minute later, knowing that nurse fucked me over. I had no idea what I actually took, but the honest fear in Krypt’s eyes made me regret swallowing it. Because right there at that table, with his phone pressed to his ear and the words ‘suicide pill’ coming from his mouth, IknewI was important to him.

I regretted it. He was right. It is regrets that go through our minds in our moment of death, and right then, I regretted nothing more than scaring him.

I told him that wasn’t our dynamic, and I meant it. He’s supposed to scare me. I’m not supposed to scare him.

“Hi, bestie.”

I turn my head in slow motion, the room taking a second too long to shift focus with my eyes. Next to my hospital bed, a young guy with ice-chip eyes full of absolute craziness stares at me. I don’t think he knows he’s smiling, but it’s there on his face, making him eerily friendly.

My throat burns and my voice is weak when I ask, “Bestie?” I cough, and this guy holds up a cup with a straw to my lips. He sits right on my bed, hip digging into mine, not understanding personal space or indifference. We don’t even know each other.

“Yeah,” he says happily. “I knew it from the moment you came to our house. We’re meant to be besties, and I’ve waited so long to tell you. Literally forever.”

I take a sip when he forces the straw through my lips. “Do I know you?”

He points to his hair, tinted bubblegum pink, like that should mean something to me. When his hand waves around in front of his face, his smile stretches impossibly wider. He bends down, nose literally touching mine, and whispers, “Pink mask. Kyd Kopitar! Nice to officially make your acquaintance, bestie.”

I try to pull back, but he leans in with me. “Oh. Uh, hi.” Kyd. The energetic one.

Kyd sets the water down and forces me to move over so he can lie next to me. He crosses his ankles, sighs at the ceiling, and puts his arm behind his head. “So, I’ve always wondered. What’s death like?”

I attempted to kill myself, and this is not how I thought my wake-up would go. The entire length of his body is pressed against mine, and he’s humming something under his breath. His energy is optimistic and happy, and even though I don’t deserve it, I want it. He feels nice to be around while my mind is so dark.

“Did I die?” I ask.

“Yep. For like three whole minutes. Maybe four. I stopped counting the seconds out loud when Ransom told me to shut up. He’s rude like that, but I love him. He’s my other bestie.”

I bet everyone is his bestie. “I don’t know,” I answer him. “I think I got trapped in some place that told me how stupid I was. Like it shoved my regrets at me and nothing more.” I cough again, and Kyd’s hand lands on my chest to rub gentle circles. I… weird.

Kyd nods his head on my pillow like that makes sense to him. “I figured.”

“Did you?”

“Well, this one time, I tried to drown myself in Gamble Lake just to see if I could see Hell, and when my breath stopped and my brain died, all I could think about was how I regretted not getting my dick tattooed. I’d always wanted to, but I’d never done it because I couldn’t come up with the most awesomest design. So that ran through my head, and I think it’s what brought me back to life. It tracks.”

He’s ridiculous. I don’t even… “Did you do it?”

“Get my dick tattooed?”

“Yeah.”

He sits up. “Wanna see?” He puts his fingers into the waistband of his bright yellow pants.

“Uh, maybe later.”

“Right. Right.” He offers me another megawatt smile before lying down again. “What’d you regret? No dick tattoo?”

I laugh despite the direness of my situation. “No dick tattoo.”

“I know a guy,” he says. “I’ll hook ya up.”

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