Page 90 of First Surrender

“You okay, bub?”

He shrugs his shoulders and gets into the fridge, snagging a grape from the bowl.

“Couldn’t sleep?” He’s a talkative kid, so when he’s not saying much I get worried.

“Every time I close my eyes, I think Dad is standing outside my window or something. It’s dumb. Only babies get scared.” His head hanging is the saddest sight, I can’t stand it.

“I have alarms on all the windows and doors. I’d never let him get to you, buddy.” Jackson hugs him, tightly. “We all get scared.”

“You get scared?” He asks the big man in front of him with wonder in his eyes. I tease Jackson about being Hercules, but he really is to a boy like Dec. The best male role model in the world for a little boy who has never had one.

“All the time. I was scared today when your school called because I thought you were hurt. I’m scared every time my mom gets sick. I’m terrified that your sister will stop cooking for me one day.”

Dec giggles at that last one and I roll my eyes. It seems to have helped lighten the mood though so I appreciate his effort.

“You can sleep in my bed tonight, okay? We’ll have a sleepover,” I suggest.

Dec laughs again. “We won’t all fit in your bed.”

“What?”

“Jackson is too big for your bed.”

“Well. Yeah, but I didn’t mean all three of us,” I explain. Up until this point, I’ve been pretty sure that Dec wasn’t aware that I was sleeping in Jackson’s bed every night. It’s not something I necessarily want to discuss with my little brother.

“Oh.” His eyes are downcast as he shrugs and it makes my heart ache.

“Do you want to sleep in my bed?” Jackson asks, hesitantly. He shrugs his little shoulder again. The poor kid has the same fear of rejection as I do.

“Wait, so am I invited to this sleepover, or not?” It sounds like I’m the one being booted to the curb, but it makes Dec giggle again.

“It’s big enough for all three of us, right Jackson?”

“Yeah, buddy. It sure is.” He winks at me over Dec’s head.

Suddenly, all three of us are lying comfortably in bed, Dec sandwiched between Jackson and me. It’s the first night in a long time that I won’t get to fall asleep in Jackson’s arms but somehow this makes me feel even closer to him.

The fact that my brother chose this sleeping arrangement and took the initiative to seek Jackson out warms my heart beyond belief. For the first time ever, this place we are living in truly feels like our home.

“Jackson,” Dec whispers. I keep my eyes closed and my back turned to the both of them, waiting to hear what he has to say.

“Yeah, buddy?”

“Do you think you could come the last week of school and do career day with me? All the other kids are asking their parents.” His question is hopeful but hesitant. I don’t even have to hold my breath to wait for Jackson’s answer because I know he’s over the moon right now.

“I’d love to, Dec but what about your sister? She’s a cook, you know?” Jackson’s question is considerate but unnecessary. I don’t think anyone outside of him would consider what I do even close to a career. Not yet, anyway.

“I know. She’s already done so much for me, I feel bad asking her to help me with everything,” he responds sadly. It takes all of my restraint to continue playing dead. I want to turn over and tell him that I’d do anything for him. Always.

“She loves it because she loves you. Webothdo. I’ll do career day but make sure you ask her if you take a field trip to a zoo or something. She loves animals.” I roll my eyes under my closed lids. I make a few animal-related insults toward him and he won’t let it go.

“Do you love my sister, too?” Dec asks curiously. This living situation probably is odd to him, but I hadn’t thought about his perspective on Jackson and I’s relationship.

“Yeah, I do.”

My breath catches in my throat. It’s not the first time he’s insinuated his feelings for me, but I still can’t quite believe it.

“Would it be okay with you if I dated her?” He asks Dec and I can’t control the smile that spreads over my face.

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