Page 84 of First Surrender

His eyes find mine and I swear they’re filled with the same promise. I kiss his cheek and then his jaw, erasing that thought from my brain. I’m not a fairy tale ending kind of girl, a wedding isn’t something someone like me gets.

He helps me off the counter, interrupting my self-deprecating thoughts, and leads me down the hall by the hand. I don’t inquire as he silently opens Dec’s door, pausing to stare at his sleeping form. I watch him watch over my brother for a moment before he closes the door again and we continue to his room.

“Is everything okay?” I finally ask as he sits on the bed in defeat.

“No, nothing is okay.” This time it’s my turn to step between his legs, holding him while he gently sways me from side to side. “Except for you. This is more than okay.”

“Then lean on me,” I offer, and his head tips up to look at me. There is so much said when he looks at me, but mostly I see a man who is exhausted from life. Someone who has never had anyone to share his burdens with.

“Come on.” I pull him toward the bathroom and start the bath, determined to take care of him like he’s done for me. He lets me undress him without protest while I do my damnedest not to stare at his wide chest and his sculpted arms. As muchas I’m dying for him to take me again, this treatment isn’t about sex.

Regardless, he’s hard by the time I get to his pants. I try to ignore it, but it’s hard to miss as I usher him into the tub. When I turn back to him after tossing his clothes in the hamper, he’s watching me closely.

“What?”

“I’m waiting for you to get in.”

“This is for you, not me.” I tuck my hands on my hips, intending to stand my ground.

“If it’s for me then I want you in here with me.”

I don’t think I can argue with that logic, nor do I really want to. I throw my sleep shirt off and hear him suck in a breath at my nakedness. I didn’t bother wearing underwear to bed this time.

I step in between his legs and he guides my hips down, settling me between his tree trunk thighs. There is no ignoring the elephant resting along my spine.

Despite our nudity, we behave ourselves. My fingertips skim the surface of the water, his arms, and legs, warding off the heaviness of my eyes while his hands caress me everywhere he can reach.

“Do you want to talk about it?” I ask, distracting myself further as his fingertips graze my aching nipples. He cups my breasts firmly, but sighs, defeated.

“The teenage boy who had been missing for quite some time was found dead. Overdosed. He was only 16. It’s the second death on my watch since Friday. The first one was a prison stabbing.”

“How is it on you?”

“My job is to keep these people safe,” he says blandly.

“Jackson. You can’t do that to yourself.” He only sighs as a response so I flip over to look him in the face. “It’s not your fault.”

There’s an aching sadness in the depths of his eyes as he meets my gaze.

“Jackson, it’s not your fault,” I whisper tenderly, but with more conviction.

“Thank you, sweetheart,” he whispers against my forehead, letting his lips linger there.

“You don’t believe me, I can tell but it doesn’t mean it’s not the truth you stubborn goat.”

“Wow, that’s a new one. Can I have a nickname that doesn’t involve an animal or insult?” He teases.

“You are a good man and a good Sheriff, Hercules,” I say with all the seriousness I can muster and it makes him laugh.

“Better than stubborn goat, I guess. Come on, time for bed.” We take turns drying each other off and climb into bed, settling into our usual entangled position.

“Can I tell you something?” I whisper against his chest.

“Anything.”

“That first time in your office… When you heard me say no, it wasn’t because I wanted you to stop, not really.” He doesn’t respond, but I take his silence as an excuse to continue. “You were so annoyingly good, you made me orgasm when no man had ever accomplished that before. I was mad that you were the one to do it and I couldn’t stop it from happening. You’re perfect at everything you do, I was pissed. And, jealous, honestly. So, you can call me a stubborn goat if you want.”

“And, now?” He asks, ignoring my goat comment.

---