Page 60 of First Surrender

“Doesn’t matter. I’ll be busy. Have a good night, Whitney.” I brush past her and into the house, hoping she gets the hint. I’m an asshole but I don’t care. I’m more worried about the only woman I’ve ever invited into my home than the one on the porch.

“I see. Bye, Jackson.”

I don’t turn to see her leave as I empty my pockets by the door. Once it’s clicked shut beside me, my breath comes a little easier.

“Dinner is in the microwave if you want to warm it up.” Natalie starts walking away and I grab her gently by the forearm.

“Wait.”

“Don’t!” She snaps at me. There she is.

“Talk to me,” I beg.

“Why?” She tugs her arm but I don’t let her escape an inch. I’m done allowing space between us.

“Whitney is no one.”

“It doesn’t matter who she is.” She doesn’t look at me as she speaks.

“It matters.”

“Why?” She still won’t look at me and it’s killing me.

“Because she means nothing to me,” I explain, my chest burning with dread. I like that she seems jealous, but not if it means we’ll go back to how things were before, with her shutting me out completely.

“Obviously. Since you went running to her arms after our fight the other night. Seems like something you would do with a nobody. While I waited here like an idiot for you to get home so I could apologize.” She scoffs and tries to shrug me off again but I pin her to the backside of the couch, caging her in and forcing her to look at me.

“That’s not what happened.” I plead with my eyes.

“Then what happened?” She does everything in her power to look away from me but I don’t let her.

“I went to see Mr. Wheeler the other night to make sure he knew he was fired. I threatened him within an inch of his life for hurting Dec. I could have killed him because I was so worked up from fighting with you. I knew I wasn’t ready to come home because I was so mad at you. I couldn’t think straight because I was so mad. I drove around for hours and only ended up at her house because it seemed easy. And it was. She let me in after not hearing from me for months. Before that, even longer between calls.”

“I don’t want to hear about this.” Her voice is breathy but undeniably sad.

“I don’t care. You need to listen to me for once in your life.”

She harrumphs but doesn’t say anything.

“Yes, she’s an old hookup but I haven’t had sex with her in almost a year. I didn’t have sex with her the other night even if she made you think that we did.”

Her pretty lashes blink rapidly and I know I hit the nail on the head. Whitney must’ve tried to stake a claim on me that she has no right to. “Doesn’t matter,” she mumbles weakly.

“It matters. The only reason that I ended up at her house is because I thought that easy would be good and it’d get you off of my mind. I only had to step through her front door to realize there was nothing that I wanted from her. She had nothing that I wanted because what I wanted was to come home to you.”

“Jackson,” she whispers my name, painfully. “Don’t.”

“Why? Why not? I can’t tell you how I feel?”

“No. Not when you shouldn’t feel that way. We argue all the time. Nothing between us is a good idea. You deserve someone perfect like her.”

“Is it because you’re seeing someone else?”

“What?” She finally looks at me with her normal, pissed-off face. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“I’ve ignored the fact that you’ve seen other people. Going on dates and staying with some guy when you left the hotel. You could still be seeing him, but I’m condemned because of Whitney?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I think you’ve dropped too many weights on your head.” She pushes me off and stalks into the kitchen.

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