Page 30 of Marked

Chapter 18

Riley

I’m enjoying myself. And that’s a terrible thing.

All this time I was so scared and concerned about all of this, only focusing on the terrifying deed that was forced on me, that I never even considered this.

This group is pretty cool, and chatting with them over a few beers comes natural to me because they are my kind of people. This is exactly the kind of group I would have looked up to meet new people in this town, the kind of group that holds a promise for new and long-lasting friendships.

And now it has to be ruined by the circumstances under which I became one of them.

“I still think Kubernetes kicks Docker Swarm’s ass, especially because it’s so much easier!” Brian declares, earning approving nods from one half of the group and disagreeing head shakes from the other.

I’m part of the latter.

“Only when we’re talking about the initial setup,” I argue. “The learning curve may be higher, but once we get it running, I think Docker gives way less of a headache.”

“I agree,” Charlie says next to me.

All eyes turn to him as he goes on to elaborate my argument, and I feel like the most despicable person on the planet when I regard him with a smile that is a little too affectionate to be seen as casual.

His gaze flits to me again and again as he speaks, and I think there’s a soft blush blossoming on his pale cheeks every time our eyes meet. He is a nice guy—a smart guy, too. I knew the latter about him, but before tonight, I never thought about who he was as a person. Charlie was just a name attached to a pawn in this sinister world of crime Cain pulled me into. I am part of that world now, not only because Cain dragged me into it, but because I tried to get something out of it for myself.

I will probably never know how honest Cain was with me. I might never hear the truth about the agreement he had about me and I might never learn how true his promise for my freedom and those fifty thousand dollars was.

The longer I have been sitting here, the more determined I have become to risk an escape. I have had enough time to study the bar while the group chatted about the pros and cons of two open source systems to deploy containers to clusters. I never knew that this debate could be so controversial because at my old job, everybody seemed to agree that Docker is the way to go while Kubernetes is hardly understood by anybody. I didn’t have to feign my interest when the discussion began and soon turned into a heated debate that will most likely end in an ‘agree-to-disagree’ settlement.

I lost myself in the debate, listening to arguments I have never heard before and asking questions that were met with different answers than I expected. I’m having such a good time that I almost forget about the reason I am here. It’s Charlie’s enchanted look that draws me back to reality. I didn’t really try to attract his attention, at least not as much as I thought I would have to—but he is already looking at me in such a beguiled way that I can’t help but feel shitty about it, on many levels.

I’m ridden with guilt when I think of my job for the night, and scared for his life, as I have no idea what exactly Cain and his men want to do to him once I deliver him to their violent hands.

And the guilt doesn’t end there. It cloaks me with everything I do, everything I say, every smile behind which I hide my betrayal and the danger that comes with it. It stings at my heart with the thought of this oblivious guy, bedazzled by a girl who was sent to harm him—and the thought of Cain.

Even if I could be cold enough to disregard Charlie’s feelings and play my part as intended, I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t actively flirt, touch and maybe even kiss another guy without feeling like shit about it. Cain’s face keeps popping up even now, after I’ve made the decision to deceive him. I can’t push it aside, no matter how hard I try.

I can’t deny the fact that I’m bound to him, even when there’s nothing restraining my wrists. His mark adorns the skin on my neck, and there’s a part in me that wants the world to see it. I want to move my hair to the side and turn my face away from Charlie so he can see the mark and save himself without me having to tell him to.

“What’s taking so long?”

I jerk in response to the voice in my ear, having forgotten about the damn plug I was so worried about. It’s easy to forget when no one is speaking through it and I was told that I would only hear from them if there was an emergency that required us to change course.

“We don’t have all night, missy. Get going,” Kyle adds, impatience lacing his voice.

I can feel the eyes of Charlie and at least two others from the group on me, probably wondering why the hell I was twitching and grimacing in my chair seemingly out of nowhere.

I don’t answer their silent questions, trying to appear nonchalant when I throw them an apologetic smile. To my relief, most of them turn their focus back to the main discussion a moment later. The only eyes that remain glued to me are Charlie’s, his eyebrows arched and an inquiring look on his face.

I freeze, breaking into a cold sweat as I try to figure out what to do. I can’t reply to the idiot in my ear. I can’t say anything to Charlie right now that wouldn’t give cause for suspicion.

And most importantly, I cannot sit here any longer, pretending to be someone I am not, trying to do something I don’t want to do. I have long made up my mind about my intent to risk escape. Why the fuck am I still sitting here?

My stomach turns and my heart tumbles out of control when I give a little nod to the group, whispering a barely audible, “Excuse me,” before I get up from my seat.

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