CHAPTER XXII
Evan
She shakes her head.
"No, it's really not –"
I interrupt her with a strong bite on the left side of her neck.
She flinches and tries to get away from me, but her struggle only causes me to tighten my grip around her waist and deepen my bite. My teeth are sinking deep into her skin, just as they did on that dreadful day. The day we got caught.
The memory pains me as much as it pains her, but I don’t know if it’s the reason for her exclaiming a desperate "No!" while I’m sucking on her skin like a vampire.
"No, huh," I say, interrupting my bite. "Don't you ever tell me 'no' when I ask you to share something like this with me. Do you understand?"
"Yes, Sir," she hisses.
"Now tell me," I order. "What caused you to run back upstairs? What scared you?"
She rolls her eyes. Something I will remember for later.
"Paranoia," she says. "I might have had a little... panic attack."
I turn her around and force her to look up at me by placing my finger beneath her chin.
"Tell me," I repeat, fixing her with my eyes.
There’s nowhere for her to flee and my sincere interest breaks the protective walls she created to keep herself safe, hidden. Caught and exposed like this, there is no room for anything but honesty.
"I thought I saw someone," she says. "In a car. A guy. He was just sitting there in a parked car, fiddling with something. It was creepy. I couldn't figure out what it was, but I thought he might have a... camera."
I sigh, lowering my eyes with shame.
"I am sorry," I say, feeling helpless. "You have no idea how sorry I am to put you through this."
She really does have no idea. I have been in anguish over my idiotic behavior since the day it happened. I want to blame Roy for everything, but I know that wouldn’t be fair. While he didn’t do a perfect job of keeping me – and Nicky – safe from the kind of shit I was happy to be rid of after Sheila left me, he is right when he says that I haven’t exactly made things easy for him.
When I see Nicky’s hurt, sad face, I can’t help but blame myself for the pain she’s experiencing. I know what she feels like, because I’ve been in her shoes before.
"You might not believe this," I say letting go her chin. "But I know how you feel. Very well."
"Do you?" she asks.
I nod.
"Something very similar happened to me," I say. "While I was dating Sheila."
Her eyes flicker at the mentioning of Sheila’s name. It must be the first time I’ve ever started talking about her without Nicky pestering me with questions beforehand.
"We wanted to hide our relationship from the spotlight," I continue. "Which – as you know – didn't go very well. We were exposed during an outing together. Just a simple dinner. Surprised by paparazzi. Sheila didn't expect them and was overwhelmed by the whole thing. She didn't handle it very well."
I look at her, intently observing even the slightest hint of a reaction on her face.
"She failed me," I proceed. "Just like I failed you a few days ago. "
"You did," she agrees.
I nod, guiltily.