Page 15 of Fallen Petal

Chapter 7

J

There are hundreds of young faces, beaming with hope and accomplishment as they strut around in their silly robes. The idyll is almost sickening, the sun shining, kids smiling, parents bursting with pride.

But none of them shine as bright as she does. The smile on her face is not as wide as others, because it never is. But it isn’t insincere either. I know she’s happy today, as happy as she can be.

Because today marks the first step toward freedom for her, both positive and negative. She may finally have the freedom to do as she pleases, to follow a dream she’s had for years—if she dares to go through with it. I hope she will. I will do everything in my power to make sure that she will, even if it means losing her forever. Because this freedom is also a freedom from the shackles that have held her back almost her entire life, restraints that have been out on her by men.

And I might be one of those men, unless I fucking get over myself and ignore the piercing pain that rips through my chest when I think about not being able to see her anymore. It is for the better. It’s better for her.

I must remember that.

The smile she casts my way now is as bittersweet as they come. She’s far away from me, like she almost always is, standing next to the stage where they just handed out diplomas to all the high school graduates. I sat in the audience, watching as she received hers, hidden in the far, far back, almost at the very last row, but clapping louder than anyone else when she was called on stage. I could see her scan the audience after she accepted her diploma, and it fills me with egocentric pride knowing that she was looking for me. Her father was sitting in one of the rows up front, very close to the stage, very close to her. Her eyes trailed over to him once, a coy response to his unyielding eyes.

She’s by herself right now, and she spotted me all the way across the auditorium. Her hands tighten around the diploma, and even though my looks tells her not to, she approaches me. I notice that she casts a look back over her shoulder before she does, making sure that no one sees her, that no one will stop her doing as she pleases.

Her steps widen and she speeds up, almost running toward me as the smile on her face widens.

I’m torn between elevation and concern. She’s so fucking happy to see me. She’s drawn to me just like I’m drawn to her.

No, that part isn’t true. Her attraction to me doesn’t come close to the way I feel about her.

“I’m so happy you’re here!” She beams up at me, getting up on her toes as she wraps her arms around my neck.

I hesitate before I reciprocate the gesture, knowing there might be eyes on us, even if we’re not seeing them at the moment. Once I lift my arms in an embrace, it’s a cautious gesture, not even close to what every fiber of my being desires.

She gasps in my hug, and for just a few seconds, we’re allowed a moment of tenderness. The busy world gets drowned out. It’s just the two of us, in the dark, no sound, no eyes, no other people judging and staring, just waiting for the right moment to tear us apart.

But I know it’s a lie. I know they’re there.

I break our embrace, gently pushing her away from me to create distance between us. She lets it happen, nervously fixing her hair as she smiles up at me. Today is a big milestone for her, a major step from restrained childhood to adulthood, which will hopefully be marked by more freedom than she’s ever known. Still, she looks young today, so young and innocent, tickling my protective instinct even more than she usually does.

“I told you I wouldn’t miss this,” I say, glancing back over her shoulder to make sure that we’re blessed with a few moments alone. Of course she notices.

“He’s gone back to the car to get something for me,” she says, winking at me. “Jayson, would you stop worrying. It’s not like there’s a restraining order or anything.”

I huff. “Might as well be.”

She clears her throat, looking uncomfortable as she lowers her gaze.

“I’m eighteen. I graduated. Everything will change now,” she says in a low voice before tilting her face back up to mine. “Right?”

“If you want it to.”

A thin crease appears between her eyebrows. “You know I do. But I need your help. You’re the only one who—”

“I know,” I cut her off. “And I will. You have my word, Petal.”

A blush creeps on her pretty face, warming her sweet smile as she’s faced with our little secret. It’s just a name, a pet name I’ve given her years ago, but in a way, it’s the most sacred thing we have between us. No one knows about it, and no one ever uses that name for her but me.

And every time I do, she responds with this smile. A smile full of gratitude and the feeling of belonging. I’m the only one who can make her smile like that, the only one who can give her that happiness. Yet, I might never be allowed to give it my all.

“I might never be able to pay you back, Jayson,” she says, worry flickering across her pretty features. “I’ll be forever in your debt.”

Oh, she has no fucking idea. She will never know that it’s the other way around. Without her, I wouldn’t be who I am today. My wealth, my success, the power that comes with my name—all of it is thanks to her. That, and a memory so precious, that it will forever feed me and enrich a life that would be bleak if it wasn’t for her.

She doesn’t know, and it’s best if she never does.

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