Page 58 of Fallen Petal

“That evening, with the gin, when we almost...”

Her voice breaks off, her eyelashes batting like nervous butterflies as she looks up and down, trying to hold eye contact with me, but failing again and again.

“I remember that evening,” I say, encouraging her to go on.

“I’m sorry for the way I—”

“Petal, please,” I interrupt her, twirling my hand impatiently. “There’s nothing to forgive. If anything, I should apologize to you.”

She scoffs. “For what? For acting responsible when I jumped you like a horny teenager?”

“We both know that’s not at all what happened that night.”

She shrugs, relaxing a little. “Yes. We both wanted something, and you were smart enough to stop it, thinking it would stop me from going out into the world to pursue this dumb adventure that I’ve been talking about since I was what... fifteen?”

She laughs, shaking her head in disbelief as she leans back in the chair, crossing her legs.

“Well, that worked out well, didn’t it?” she adds. “Just like everything else I try, everything else I ever wanted... Nothing ever worked out. And every time I fail, I hear his voice in my head. I see him, standing before me, tall and commanding, so disappointed in his only child. He’s always right. He always told me that my place was here, in this town, taking over the family business.”

Family business. It’s a fucking flower shop that her parents started when she was still a baby. It’s surprising enough that Robert is clinging to it like this after what happened to Petal’s mother.

Her expression tenses, revealing that same pained expression I’ve seen on her face way too many times.

“He’s always there,” she adds. “I can’t silence his voice, ever. Even when I moved to California, he was always there. Every decision I made, every thought I had, everything I did, I always found myself defending it against the thundering voice of my father, even when he was thousands of miles away. I hate him for it, I wish I could just cut him out of my life. But how could I? Even after everything he’s done, everything he’s denied me, he’s still my father! He may have hurt me countless times with his misguided attempts at keeping me safe, or rather, keeping me for himself. It was bad when I fell for Kade and tried to leave everything behind once again.”

She pauses, finally finding the strength to maintain eye contact with me for longer than a split second.

“But it was even worse after I threw myself at you, asking for... those things.”

She needs another pause, taking a deep breath before she concludes.

“I never stopped thinking about it, you know. I fantasized about it. I never stopped wanting it, despite your rejection. And I know I would have gone for it, I would have fought for it, if I didn’t have this voice inside my head that keeps telling me how wrong it is. That same voice has pushed me away, pushed me to try and to want things just so I could get out of its reach. But it never worked. Nothing ever did.”

I nod along as she speaks, feeling the weight of the burden she is about to drop on me.

“You want me to erase it,” I presume, giving her the nudge she needs. “You want me to erase your father from your memory.”

She nods silently, slouching a little as she awaits my response.

“That is a lot to ask,” I tell her. “Have you thought this through?”

She frowns at me. “Of course I have. Did you think I’d just drop by on an impulse and ask such a thing of you?”

“You didn’t even tell me you were back in town.”

“Because I needed time!” she argues. “I needed time to consider, to realize how much I really wanted it.”

“He is everything you have, Petal,” I say, urgency underlining my words. “He is your life.”

“Then erase my life.”

Her demand feels like a hit against my chest. She cannot be serious about this. It’s impossible.

Yet the resolve is evident on her face. She holds my gaze, sitting tall, with her back straight and her hands folded in her lap. Everything about her tells me that she’s dead serious about this.

But there remains an unresolved matter in all of this.

“How do you intend to pay?” I ask. “We both know you don’t have the financial means, and I’m not doing this as a friendly turn.”

She nods. “I have an idea for that. A proposition.”

I arch my eyebrows, jutting my chin forward as I wait for her to elaborate.

“I’ll pay with myself,” she says, not batting an eye while her stance hardens. “You’ll erase all of me—and get everything I am in return. I’ll be yours. Entirely.” She pauses, biting her lower lip, but not in doubt. Her resolve appears so set in stone that it almost worries me.

“It’s the only way I’ll ever get what I want. The only way I ever get to be free of his judgment. The only way I can ever give myself to you the way I want to,” she adds. “A real escape. A real adventure.”

There’s another pause, a moment she needs to clear her throat before she concludes.

“If you’ll have me.”

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