Page 4 of Black Velvet

I shouldn't have pushed for an as-soon-as-possible appointment. It's never a good idea to push the madam. I should know that.

But now that I'm here, sitting across from her with nowhere to go, I need to go through with it.

"I'll get straight to the point then," I begin, taking a deep breath to prepare myself. Short and fast, like ripping off a bandage. "I'm handing in my resignation."

I didn't even notice that I had closed my eyes until I hear her gasp. My eyelids open instinctually, and my stomach turns when I see her shocked expression. Miss Barry has never looked at me like this, a combination of perplexed and outraged at the same time, as if I've just done a very, very bad thing.

"You want toquit?" she exclaims. "But, Elene, honey, what could possibly make you want to do that?"

I swallow hard, unable to come up with an explanation fast enough.

"Does it have to do with one of our clients?" Miss Barry prods. "Did someone mistreat you? Did something happen? Because you know we can—"

"No, no, it's nothing like that," I hurry to assure her, raising my hands and opening my palms in an appeasing manner. "It's just that... I feel I need to be doing something else," I stutter.

Why did I come here without any preparation? I should have invented some kind of excuse, some well-spoken words that wouldn't make me look like an idiot. "I'm done. I can't do it anymore."

Miss Barry looks at me, unable to hide the regret on her face.

"You have been with us for..."

"Four years," I finish her sentence. "And I'm very grateful for the opportunity, Miss Barry. I really am. But I think it's time for me to do something else."

"Like what? You know, if you want to go to college or something, this would be the perfect job for funding that. You could cut down on the number of clients and still make enough to—"

"I know," I say, biting my lip as I interrupt her again. She is right, and it's not like I haven't considered that option. I started this job when I was only eighteen years old, and when I first started, I thought it would be a great way to pay my way through college. That and nothing else. I even took a few classes, but soon realized that none of them held my interest for longer than a few weeks. I've never been the scholarly type, never did well in school, and my options for college were limited. It didn't come as a surprise that it didn't come as easy to me as it did for others. It felt more like something Ishoulddo, not something Iwantedto do.

"I don't think college is the right direction for me," I say, nervously fiddling with my fingers. "I just... I don't know. But I think I need to try something else."

I lower my gaze, but I can feel Miss Barry's eyes on me, holding me down, paralyzing me, while painful silence builds between us. Is she waiting for me to speak? What could I possibly tell her if I don't even know myself? All I know is that this job was okay for a while, but it no longer is. I need something else, another job. That's all I know, all I want.

Miss Barry lets out an exasperated sigh.

"I'll be frank with you, Elene," she says. "I'm not happy about this. You're one of our most popular girls, and we love having you here. I don't like the idea of losing you. And you know it's not only your looks that make you an asset to this agency. You're smart, and a great conversationalist—your clients often mention on their evaluations that they genuinely enjoy spending time with you, above and beyond the play part."

I swallow hard, unsure how to respond. Is she trying to lure me back with this praise?

Miss Barry leans forward, placing her elbows on the desk while fixing her eyes on me. Her gaze is intense and piercing. It's making me feel uncomfortable, but I manage not to blink or look away.

"Be honest with me, honey," she says in a low voice. "What is it that suddenly bothers you about this job? Is it the sex part?"

I bite my lower lip.

"You can tell me," she encourages. "There's no room for secrets here."

I take another deep breath. "Quite frankly, yes, it is. It didn't... bother me, at first, but I no longer feel comfortable doing this."

She nods. "So, it didn'tbotheryou? Before? What changed?"

Our eyes meet, and she tilts her head to the side in a questioning manner. I just respond with a puzzled expression.

"Well, maybe I'm being naive, but I like to think that our girls actuallyenjoytheir jobs," Miss Barry says. "And that they aren't just'not bothered'by it."

"Oh, I..."

Damn it. How do I get out of this one?

A smile curves up at the corner of Miss Barry's lips. "It's all right, honey, don't worry about it. You don't have to tell me what I want to hear. I value your honesty. Besides, you always did a very good job. I've heard nothing but the utmost praise for you, which is why I'm so surprised to hear that you didn't actually enjoy it. People usually don't become this good at something they don't enjoy."

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